Online Dating Guide

Part 2

Main Picture

Your main picture needs to be your best picture. The thumbnail of this picture pops up all over the website’s top bar on POF and side bar on OKC.  If you ever want to get opened, this picture needs to stand out. When you send a girl a message, she will sometimes decide whether or not to reply back on the quality of your thumbnail; without even looking at your profile. If you don’t look great, she probably won’t click on that reply button. Make sure it’s your best picture possible and that it actually makes you look good as a thumbnail (some pictures just don’t look good small for whatever reason).

Supporting Pictures

The ideal amount of different pictures to have on your profile is about 3.   2 pictures can only be okay as long as you have at least one of them clearly showing your face. If you want to use more than 3, it can work but just remember that you’re generally only as good as your worst picture. Shirtless pictures can be okay but it's often better if it's you at the beach instead of in front of a mirror (of course don't do either if you still have some weight to loose).

Having The Best Pictures

Hopefully you already have a few decent pictures taken somewhat recently.  A lot of you will be using what you believe to be the best picture from your Facebook. If you think you can take better pictures, go take a mirror shot. You can completely control your appearance with selfies from your style, accessories, and making sure you don’t look pale. Take 50 different mirror (or selfie) shots and go through each to choose the best one.

If you don’t have great pictures but think your personality will be enough – you’re going to have a bad time. Your special “conversational charm” you have in real life won’t translate well online when you’re talking to girls.


SELFIES

Here are a couple examples of mirror pictures of yours truly.  One in a hotel washroom and the other in a mall change room.

If you don’t currently have a nice outfit to take a mirror picture with, you can go to the mall or any stores that have nice clothes to get one.  You don’t really need to buy anything either. You can put together an outfit in the store, try it on, see how you look, then snap a picture in the change room. Girls won’t likely notice or care where you took it and you’ll have a solid new picture for your profile.

Profile Text

When you start meet a lot of girls, you’ll end up finding out how often you’ll be the girls first online date.  Since you’re their first, they can be a little sketched out about meeting “some random guy on the internet”.  So, you’ll have the pass their threshold of being “safe” enough for them to meet you.  This means having a profile frame where you’re not too aggressive with your ‘About Me’ text or the messages you send.
You don’t have to be completely Mr. Nice Guy, but she’ll want to be comfortable with the fact of meeting you.

Your profile text should be fairly short – around a paragraph or two is good to go by. Try not to over think and stress about it being perfect. As long as it doesn’t say something stupid for girls to screen you out, it won’t make a big difference overall. Girls online are looking for things that would disqualify you, as much or more than to qualify you. She’s looking for reasons not to meet up with you – any red flags.

A template for this profile style can be to create two different parts. The first one being anything interesting about you (you run XYZ Company or play semi-pro hockey or anything like that). The second part can be about describing what you’re looking for. Keep it all relevant to you and avoid sounding like a hopeless romantic or a complete asshole – somewhere in the middle is good.

Other Parts Of Your Profile

Header – Doesn't matter, just don’t say anything stupid like ‘No fat Chicks’. Something like ‘Smile’ is fine
Intent - Wants to date
For - Dating
Interests (funny and sexual is good) - Warm smiles, massages, sandwiches, naked skydiving, pleasure, etc.
First Date - Leave blank- you can add something if you really believe it will fit.
Drinks - Socially (if you do drink)
Profession – Put your job in the best light. Example if you’re in retail- put down sales
Longest Relationship – Doesn't matter a ton, but you'll look better if you say something more than a few months
OKC: I’m looking for - long term dating, short term dating
Height: A lot of guys I know wear soles in their shoes that add an inch or two – or the shoes themselves that have a bit of a heel. I don’t really like to push the idea of lying with your height, but it can help overall.  Adding a couple inches is fine, but best not to overdo it.

When & How To Blitz

Blitzing = Sending mass amounts of messages.
When you first log in to POF/OKC, it’s best to hit up the ‘Online’ section first as women are a lot more likely to respond when they receive a message while they’re online. You are also more likely to have a girl send you a message while you’re  online. There are browser extensions that will continually refresh the page so that you will always be online. Search auto-refresh and some apps should come up.

After you messaged the girls online, go to the ‘New Users’ section. These girls have yet to be messaged by hundreds of guys and are usually more willing to meet; these two sections will be a considerable percentage of your replies and dates. After those two sections you can just make the regular or advanced searches.

As far as when to blitz, it’s usually the busiest sometime in the evening. The busiest day of the week is Sunday, and the least amount of people online during the week is Friday & Saturday.

Messages

The idea of the opener, follow ups, and closer is to have a set routine of messages for quick use. This can help you spend more time hitting the numbers and less time on a specific girl. Using these messaging routines can help you avoid the boring fluff questions and help make setting up dates quick and painless.

Not every conversation will always go as planned.  Regardless of what you say, make sure you follow these 4 rules:

1. Responses are fairly short Around a few sentences or under.
2. You're in control of the conversation - Often if you don’t leave a message with a question, she'll stop talking.
3. Don’t act too serious, but still seem interested - Neediness is the biggest turn off
4. Pitch the meet around the 6 or so exchanges of messagesA lot of girls only want to chat, regardless of how long you message them. This isn't a concrete rule, but don't be surprised that your new friend doesn't ever want to meet (or exchange numbers) after an hour long conversation.

Template

Below is a very basic idea of messaging. Just something if you don't have an idea of what to start with. Being able to send more relevant and personalized messages is always better, but hopefully this will give you some idea of what to do.

- You seem cool. What are you up to? 

-Can also add name at end - What are you up to, Kayla?
-Another variation: Hey Jenna, tell me some good news!
-Avoid making big elaborate personalized openers that would take forever with every girl.

- What are some of the best things about yourself (personality wise)?

From here and for the next few messages, actually talk to her with your words. You could likely reply relating to what she just said, something in her profile picture, or anything that’s relatable and generally interesting. Do your best to avoid asking fluff questions like: “How many siblings do you have?” same thing applies when you’re actually on a date. Certainly do use humour when it makes sense to.
Try your best to avoid sounding scripted with whatever you end up saying. Remember you’re talking to another human being. It’s not always easy to have the best conversation, but you’ll become better at it over time.

-We should chill sometime soon 🙂

-This is the best way to see if she’s actually willing to meet. Nice and simple. Don't worry if you get rejected (it will happen, likely a lot) if you work hard at this and to deveop yourself there's always ones who say yes

- How’s early next week? I have some time to grab a drink sometime in the evening

-Another example could be like this: “I’ve got some time off next week; when are you free?”

 

Personalizing Openers

Ultimately, this is the best way to send a message to a girl. It shows you're not sending a generic pasted message and you actually read her profile. On top of that, you may have similar interests or anything relevant from her profile to say.

That being said, it seems like every guy whose new to online dating will end up spending way too much time on each girls profile thinking up the perfect message. Suddenly the dozen or so openers you send each day on each site takes 2 or 3 times as long. If you're investing that much of your time every day, you'll be more upset if you don't get any replies.

Remember that most girls aren't going to reply, so try not to get too caught up on one. The best thing to do is take literally around 5-10 seconds skimming through her profile for anything relevant to bring up.  For instance, one of her interests could be snowboarding. You could send an opener asking if she’s been up to XYZ Mountain this year- “You seem cool Kate; have you been up to Blackcomb this season?”

A sentence or two is fine. If you're reading her profile and can't think of anything to say, just follow the same template as the section above.

That's it!

Now it's time for you to take advantage of this information.  Education without execution is just entertainment.

Make a plan, set some goals, and take action. If you can set some dates up – congratulations, the hardest part is over.  Remember to be aware of your progress! Notice how much you’re improving over time and what you could now do that you previously couldn’t. Try not to get upset if a few dates don't end up going anywhere.  I remember the first few women I met; I think they all stopped talking to me immediately after the first date haha. It wasn’t bad though, I learned what to do (and what not to do) which helped my nervousness and gave me the invaluable experience.

One last thing - looks fucking matter.  Do whatever you can to look dam sexy. If you're overweight, and wouldn't want the girl version of you, hold off online dating and hit the gym hard.  You may only need a few months of going hard; it will completely pay off in the long run.

If you need more advice, I've made my new eBook. I cover more on improving your appearance, going on dates, escalating, & relationships.
Talk to you guys soon.