After First Date Rules for Guys (to keep her interested)

July 2nd, 2023 

If you're new to dating and just went on your first date, being uncertain about how to proceed is normal. There are a lot of different factors that make a date successful, and it can easily be a bit overwhelming.

Fortunately, these after-first-date rules will help any guy make the best moves to keep her interested. Assuming you actually like the girl, you'll be in the best position to set up the second date.

We'll review these "do's" and "don'ts", what important steps you should take, and what clear signs mean she wants to meet again.

5 Essential Rules for Guys After the First Date

1. Wait 2 to 3 days after the date to text her

After the first date, you should wait a couple of days to let things settleYou don't want to seem eager and desperate to see her again.

This is a good standard protocol or etiquette if you're unsure what to do. However, you should understand the significance of it. If someone really likes the person they went on a date with, the timing of the first response will not impact the odds of a second date.

There isn't some magic recipe or means of pushing the right buttons to get a woman to like you. Waiting a couple days is ideal to leave the right impression, but keep the bigger picture in mind of what's important.

2. Don't overanalyze how the date went

If you're a young man and this is your first date, it can be difficult to not analyze how it went. You also don't want to overanalyze any text message either.

Try your best not to continually play the date over in your mind. Make to learn from any opportunities, but know that there will likely be many more first dates in your future (that's a good thing). You now have proof that girls like you and can go on a first date with you. That's the success. Any else that comes after is a bonus.

If you want the next new date to be set up, then go talk to more girls! (and use dating apps).

3. Avoid discussing any long-term plans

Even if the date went well and she seems interested in you, you want to hold back a bitWhile you want to set up the second date soon, you don't want to chat with the assumption she'll stick around afterIt's otherwise going to be a turn-off and seem a bit weird. 

Let it just naturally develop to that point. Even if you feel you really like her, it's typically best not to show your hand. This isn't to make her chase you. Instead, it's about wanting to seem like a man who has options.

You also want to seem like a man that can and does get action. You don't want to be the "safe" option but rather the "cool" guy. Even if you consider yourself as someone who falls into the "Mr. Nice Guy" trope, you can still adopt the best qualities of the "Jerk" or "Chad" and make it work.

4. Don't be dependent on the outcome

Even if you didn't do anything "wrong," some dates just won't work out. It will be out of your control. So, just like how you shouldn't discuss future plans, don't start envisioning them either. Try your best not to develop oneitis towards a girl and get easily attached.

It can be hard to not be emotionally impacted by a rejection. Your mind will try and look for reasons why you got turned down. Recognize after that it's happening and strive to move on.

You do want to look at ways to improve yourself and how your dates go. Just remember that there are incompatibilities out of your control.

You'll probably be dependent on the outcome to some degree. Understand that statistically, this girl is likely no better than the next. There will always be a better person around the corner (if you're willing to look).

5. Avoid excessive texting

You don't want to be the guy who endlessly blows up a girl's phone. 

Even after waiting a couple days to message her, it's good to additionally give her some breathing room between texts, too. You shouldn't feel like you need to text her good night everyday either.

Again, these aren't super strict rules, but it's advice you should ideally be following.

I've dated girls who weren't big texters yet were still very interested in me. I assumed their poor responses meant a lack of interest, but it didn't always mean that. Maybe it was some girl version of a pua tactic; who knows. Regardless, these dry texters still wanted to hang out and have fun.

Casually reach out to her once you've let her internalize how the date went .

What Should a Guy Do After the First Date?

Decide if you really like her that much

As guys, we're conditioned that it's cool to be a player and have sex with as many women as possible.

There's nothing inherently wrong with that (it's certainly fun). Ideally though, you should be doing it with girls who want the same.

Unfortunately, it is not easy. It takes time and experience to reach that point of recognizing (and sleeping with) women who only want casual sex. It's a bit of a chicken and egg problem. At the very least, it's something to keep in mind.

This isn't some lecture on morals. Know that as you get better with women, you won't be on the receiving end of breakups or rejections as much. Pick people you actually connect with if you're looking for a relationship.

Ask her how she's doing after a couple days

Your initial follow-up text after the first date doesn't need to be anything but chill and casual. Another option is to bring up something funny you discussed on the date. The rule is to keep it simple.

Check out How to Text a Girl Without Being Boring if you have trouble keeping your texts interesting.

Continue talking for another few days

Chat for a little while before setting up the second date. There is no hard and fast rule, but 2 or 3 days is a good range. 

Remember, if she's talking to you after that first date, she already likes you. You don't have to waste endless time chatting, but it's good to develop the interest she has in you. This is especially helpful if she has any doubts.

Suggest hanging out and doing something fun

The first date is meant to be very basic (like for coffee or drinks). It's intended to gauge compatibility.

The second date is to loosen things up and get to know her better. Doing something like mini-golf, bowling, or a wine tasting can be fun. This is great for getting her comfortable enough around you for the next step.

Consider having her come over

This is a good time to move things forward to the next step (after you've met up twice and have continued talking for a while).

This means inviting her to come over to your place. You can go to hers if there are logistical issues (like she doesn't have a car). To this day, most of the girls I've hooked up with have been at their place (or their parents).

I personally like to move things toward sex around the 3rd date. It can depend and change on different factors, but it's a good idea of what you should ideally be doing as well.

It balances building a connection with a person while not wasting too much time (if things don't work out).

If you don't know how to initiate this, check out How to Text a Girl to Come Over.  

A guy texting a girl after his first date with her.

Signs She is Interested in You After the
First Date

You should be able to tell her level of interest after the first date. However, it's nice to be able to recognize other signs that she likes you:

  • She's the one to initiate contact after the date
  • She responds quickly to your messages

  • She brings up potential future plans together

  • Her messages are playful or flirty

  • She starts sending you pictures

  • She starts asking deeper questions about yourself

What if she is slow texting?

Try not to read into the timing of responses too much. It will drive you crazy, and it's otherwise pointless to do. If a girl is slow texting you, it's either because she's legitimately busy or she doesn't like you that much.

There's nothing you can do about her not liking you that much. You have already met in person, and she's made up her mind. 

In that case, put it on the back burner and focus on finding someone else. If things otherwise end up working out, that's great. But avoid giving so much attention to a girl who isn't giving you hers.

Check out Slow Texting After First Date: What Does it Mean? for more information.

A red-headed girl texting.

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