What's Best: Asking a Girl Out Over Text or in Person?

July 14th, 2023

Wanting to know whether you should ask a girl out over text or in person is smart. While texting is easier, you don't want to seem like you're afraid to ask her in person.

The truth is, we're in a time that's rapidly changing. What was expected or considered the norm years ago isn't the same today. Behavior with our phones is constantly evolving, along with our views on using them.

Asking a girl out face-to-face is still effective, but is it the best option?

Should You Ask a Girl Out Over Text or in Person?

Generally, asking a girl out over text is better as it's more practical. Texting provides enough time for her to reply back with a more thoughtful response. Asking someone out in person adds unnecessary pressure to immediately agree or not.

In addition, asking a girl out in person may not yield an accurate response.

Rejecting someone in-person isn't easy. It will often be abrupt and unexpected for her when she's asked out. She may only agree to save face at that moment, only to then later cancel on you.

She might need time to think about it as well. A girl might like you but is unsure if she wants to start dating right now. Not everyone can confidently give a "yes" or "no" in that instant.

Lastly, most girls have already been asked out over text before.

It's just a regular thing people do today. In fact, nearly 74% of people aged 18-34 in the US communicate more digitally than in person. Not only is texting better (to ask her out), but it's normalized enough that it's expected.

With that said, being in person is favorable for nearly all other situations. This is because physically being around each other is much more impactful for building a connection. There's only so much you can do through words on a screen.

Check out How to Ask Someone Out (without actually saying it) to learn subtle, indirect ways to ask her without getting "rejected."

Is asking out over text ever bad?

Asking them out over text is never bad per se, but there is a scenario where in-person is preferable.

In this case, it would be someone you already see frequently (and are ideally comfortable around). This would be a girl you regularly spend time with, like one-on-one or in a small group.

If she's used to talking to you so much in person, asking her out over text may seem abnormal. She could think you're intentionally avoiding asking her in-person, which isn't ideal.

However, it's not a big deal overall as the same benefits of texting still apply. Her response is ultimately dictated by whether she likes you and not how you asked her out.

What Should You Text a Girl to Ask Her Out?

Exactly what you should text them doesn't matter that much. You won't make any mistakes as long as it's simple and to the point.

Here are some examples:

"hey it looks like it'll be nice out tomorrow. Want to head to the beach?"
"if you're free this weekend we should do something"
"hey I got a giftcard for _, we should go use it"

These are pretty basic yet still effective. Try to apply some creativity if you can. You can do this by integrating a date idea that is relevant to her.

Let's say she previously mentioned how she hates clowns. So, you joke about going to the carnival together but then still drop, "I'm actually down for doing something though."

That's mainly for it to come across as more natural, but it doesn't need to be perfect.

I've successfully used "we should chill sometime:)" many times. Keep it simple and about doing something casual or fun. Avoid movie dates since you don't talk at all through it.

If you've only just started talking to a girl, check out How Long Should You Talk to a Girl Before Asking Her Out.

A young man on his phone wondering what he should text a girl.

How to Ask a Girl Out in Person?

If you've decided to ask a girl out in person, it's best to do so when you're already spending time with her.

For example, let's say you're chatting up a girl you like at school or work. You should lead the conversation toward an idea for a date.

You can ask her what she's up to this weekend. After she answers, she'll likely ask you the same. Tell her you're doing something fun, like heading to the lake with some friends. Then, add how she's free to tag along if she wants.

It's okay if your plans aren't real. It's about her agreeing and you knowing that she's willing to hang out.

If you're actually confident enough to ask her out on a date, you should do it. In this case, start the conversation by asking what her plans are. When she asks about yours, just say: "nothing yet, but I'm down if you wanted to do something."

If instead you haven't talked to her much before, you may want to just stick to texting.

If you don't have her number, you may want to ease into getting it as well. So, send her a message through social media first and just chat for a while. From there, you can suggest a date or drop your own number for her to text you.

If she doesn't know you well (where it could be weird to slide into her DMs), then likely your best (or only) bet is to cold approach her.

If the girl you're interested in is from work, check out How to Casually Ask a Coworker Out.

Texting > Face to Face?

Asking a girl out over text is not just acceptable but is typically preferable for most. While being in person with her should be the priority for most situations, suggesting a date is not one of them. Times have changed, and some things are no longer viewed as necessary.

It's not the 90s anymore. You're not less of a "man" for relying on text messaging.

Let me know in the comments about your experience asking girls out, which you prefer, and if you have any particular "method" you like to use.

Lastly, check out How to Ask a Friend Out Over Text if you're already good friends with her but want to take things to the next level.