A single rejection from a cold approach can devastate your morale and motivation.
My first approaches took me forever to gain the courage to talk to just one girl. I probably took those first inevitable rejections a little harder than I should have.
Fortunately, it became less and less of an issue over time.
I've learned a few important lessons that will help you not take rejections personally and better manage expectations.
You need the right mental state and to recognizing each approach is a step toward success.
How you feel and the resulting emotional reaction is an entirely normal and expected part of the process.
Rejection will naturally sting less over time.
Once you follow the 6 tips here and have done around a 1-2 dozen worth of approaches, you should be able to brush off being turned down and immediately move onto the next one.
1. Lots of Rejections Is Normal
You will get rejected a lot.
The person who has the most success with cold approach also has the most rejections.
There is no other way around it.
Accept it. Embrace it.
Once you grasp what is necessary to succeed with cold approach, you'll be in a much better position to achieve what you're after and get any amount of (legitimate) numbers you want.
2. Have Realistic Expectations
Since you'll be rejected a lot, you should be expecting it... to some degree.
You shouldn't be going into every approach with little effort expecting that it's pointless to try, but rather keep in mind the odds of success with any one approach.
Over time, you'll start to recognize signs of someone wanting to be cold-approached. You will also end up just leaving better impressions on them overall.
3. Remember Why You’re Approaching
This is a perfect example of dealing with emotion versus logic.
You know that cold approaching makes sense. It seems like the right thing to do on paper, but you can't help feeling it's too scary or intimidating.
I've dealt with this battle in many aspects of my life, and it's something I'll continue basing all my critical decision-making on today.
It's surprising how easily emotions related to anything like greed, self-doubt, and anxiety can cloud your mind most when you need it clear.
If you think logical decision-making isn't always right, your perception of logic is incorrect.
This means the information itself you're making decisions on is most likely wrong. After all, even a hypothetical determination that should be based on emotions will still fall under logical thinking.
Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself here...
Remember why you're doing this and how it will open the world up to you.
You'll become the 1% who can meet new and attractive women anytime.
Don't let your emotions get in the way of that.
4. Success is the Approach, Not the Outcome
Along with expecting a lot of rejections, you should better frame what a successful day of approaching looks like.
If you're just starting, try not to care too much about how many numbers you may or may not get.
Your goal should be the approach itself, not the phone number or a positive response you get from it.
This is because cold approach anxiety (among many other anxieties) is dealt with through repeated exposure.
I expand on this in "Why Can't I Talk to Girls?"
Your emotions are ultimately calling the shots with regards to how you feel. You can prove it wrong with consistent first-hand experience.
Any cold approach made is a success.
5. Know Cold Approach Isn’t Immoral or Wrong
Basing your action and decisions on logic plays another important part here.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you cold approaching.
This is essential to know as it can certainly feel that at times.
Assuming you're polite about it and approaches are relatively quick, you shouldn't feel bad for what you're doing.
Yes, it can feel unnatural, but you're just breaking through some of society's social rules to achieve your goal.
I've met an amazing girl through it, who've I've now dated for over a decade, and so many others have done the same.
I'm sure you could accurately guess their response of whether or not they thought it was a good idea.
6. Know that Appearance Dictates Success
While you shouldn't expect or depend on the approach to go one way or another, it does significantly help boost motivation when it goes well.
Dealing with approach anxiety is one thing, but you must know how to make your approaches work best for you.
- Look good. It's crucial to look good. This may mean a haircut, new clothes, or that you need to spend months in the gym first.
- Hit the numbers. Doesn't matter how good you look if you don't approach much. At least 10 approaches each time you're out.
- Keep it simple. If you make a quick positive impression and she finds you attractive- that's all that matters. Check out the Best Cold Approach Openers so you always have something prepared to say each time.
Building Resilience & Confidence
Keeping the right frame of mind and attitude toward your approach will define what you achieve.
Cold approach is great for hookups, especially as you get better with it, but you may also meet someone you really like.
She may be out there, waiting for you to approach, yet you're stuck inside still debating whether it's worth it.
The only thing stopping you is your mind and emotions, so decide who exactly you want calling the shots.
Cold Approach Questions:
What percentage of cold approaches can I expect to work?
Cold approach is hard, so this can range quite drastically (depending on your experience).
At my best, 15-20% is what I consider a "success" where I get their number and actually see them again.
Assuming you follow the advice on this site and don't only approach women way out of your league, I expect around 5-10% to be accurate for most.
Remember, over time, you'll hit a point where you don't go "approaching" but instead just approach at any everyday opportunity.
This means maybe seeing someone you like at the store who may be giving you some signs and just going over and saying hi.
This is the endgame for approaches, so you can expect your approach success rate to be a lot higher.
Most common mistake guys make when cold approaching?
Assuming they are doing enough approaches, the most common mistake I see is guys not properly dealing with their appearance.
Many guys' knee-jerk reaction about cold approaching is that it won't work for them because they're not super attractive.
While appearance is undoubtedly important, so many guys are oblivious to how good they can look with a few quick appearance changes.
How do I stop overthinking every cold approach?
It's completely normal to overthink it in the beginning.
Just moving your feet towards her can seem impossible. That's why it's so important to frame success on making the approach itself. Each approach will get a little bit easier.
If it's still too much, start making some practice approaches by just going up and asking her a general question (like if she knows where a specific store in the mall is).