If you're wondering if you're attractive enough to get approached (or just wondering if it ever happens in general) this post is for you.
Attractive guys do indeed get approached. It is evidently seldom, though, as most attractive men report it as a rare occurrence. The attractiveness level and where someone spends time in public can influence this. More commonly, attractive guys get more signs of interest from women than approaches.
We'll go over: polled results of how often it happens, how to increase your odds of being approached, a few important caveats, and more.
The results have been gathered by polling a large group of people, collecting what's reported online and other anecdotal data. It's clear guys get approached, but it's rare and not entirely indicative of their attractiveness level.
The consensus is that those who consider themselves attractive have been approached by women, but less than 5 times in their lives. Most who reported were in the 20-30 age range. Therefore, if you've never been approached by a woman, it doesn't necessarily mean you're ugly.
A critical factor is that attractive men get many signs and signals from women. We'll get to that in a minute.
What influences an attractive guy to be approached:
Remember that this refers purely to cold approaches. We're talking about a girl approaching you whom you've never seen or spoken to before. When you include "warm approaches" (like someone through work or your group of friends), that number increases.
Warm approaches weren't included as it can be challenging to gauge friendliness versus interest. Still, we'll dig deeper into that too.
The main thing to keep in mind is how a guy being approached is not something that typically fits into a "social norm." So, this isn't a wake-up call if you've never been approached (especially for introverts who prefer to stay in).
Personally, I've been approached a handful of times (that I can recall). Most of it happened in my early 20s when I put significant effort into maximizing my appearance.
The last time was less of an approach, though. It was around 7 years ago, and it was just a note someone left on my truck with their number saying they wanted to "suck me dry" (I didn't follow them up on it, FYI).
Interestingly, I have a buddy (coincidentally named Chad) who gets approached a lot. However, he's a clear 10/10. The likelihood of being approached seemingly increases exponentially the more attractive you are. Still even for him, it's not much more than a handful of times per year.
This is why how often you get approached by a woman isn't a meaningful statistic.
Spending time with my attractive friend, I notice the reception he gets in public (like at bars or restaurants). Women are more engaged and friendly with us. He brings up my own "game" for it. His good looks mean he gets treated better than others.
For a brief time several years ago, my appearance tanked. Part of it was poor timing for personal issues to creep up during a bulk, which then got out of hand. It compounded with letting my hair loss progress too far and an overall lack of personal care.
I fortunately was able to shed the 60lbs I gained and got life back in order. However, during that time I saw how differently people interacted with me.
Good looking guys get treated better.
While there were some specific instances I could get into, what I noticed most was the lack of receptiveness from women. It sucked, but it was an eye-opener.
People treat you better when you're attractive. Even our appearance and facial cues influence how our intelligence and health are perceived. On top of that, studies have shown people attribute more moral traits to attractive people.
So if you're good-looking, people just assume you to be a universally better person because of it.
While I don't care for my looks as much as I did in my 20s, it was still evident how true it still was. I wouldn't say (based on my friends' reception he gets) that his life is on "easy mode," but it's certainly more fun.
Attractive guys do get compliments, just like everyone else. However, it's certainly more rare than how often women get them. Of course, we're talking about appearance and not about praising some guy's nice car or anything.
Ironically, if you work out a lot, you may get more compliments from men just being at the gym.
Still, guys in general don't get complimented much. When it does happen, we're likely to remember it.
There are many reasons why a lot of good-looking, handsome guys don't have a girlfriend, but here are the main ones:
I've experienced all, though fortunately, mostly the first one for the time I've been single.
One of the biggest things guys miss are signals from girls interested in them. In the sleazy PUA community, these are called IOI (indicators of interest). This is a much more valuable metric to gauge your general attractiveness than how often a guy gets approached.
In my early 20s, I was clueless to nearly any signal I would get. This is pretty typical for many men but can be especially true for those who don't have much confidence around women.
They end up not noticing a girl's interest in them because they don't expect it. It's primarily a self-esteem issue, which ultimately stems from a lack of experience.
A big part of it is also how many of these handsome dudes ride off of their looks for any attention or dates. While this can work somewhat, most women want the guy to make the move. The lack of experience from not trying ends up backfiring, which can further blow their self-esteem and confidence.
It's why integrating online dating should be viewed as an essential part of every young man's dating life. You can gain a significant amount of experience repeatably by going on dates. You'll figure out everything first-hand. The only prerequisite is having a great picture (which any attractive person should be able to get).
Guys do indeed like being approached first. If you're a woman reading this, take that initiative. He may genuinely like you but is clueless that you feel the same.
This is especially true in today's age. While cold approach isn't dead, some men may be more reluctant to make a move in general. Pair this with how many guys are clueless to clear signs you're giving them; it's best to be proactive.
The main reason why guys don't get approached is because it doesn't happen very often. It's normal to not be approached.
However, your appearance is going to be the next biggest aspect. Having unspoken rizz (which is a combination of your looks and swagger) definitely helps. After that, it's just going out enough and in environments for it to happen.
Still, getting approached by women is not something you should wait around for. There's no reason to pay attention to specifically trying to make it happen. Cold approach works great and is a much better investment of time.
For every woman that approaches you, there are easily a dozen others who were interested but didn't approach. They were likely giving signals that they were interested and wanted you to make a move. Pay attention to those girls.
While women regularly get a lot of appearance feedback from others, guys typically do not. Men also don't focus as much on their looks, so they don't always know they're attractive.
Guys aren't entirely oblivious to their looks, though. Most have an idea but aren't really dialed into how they're perceived (in good or bad ways).
There are also a lot of guys who can be good looking but aren't. Usually, it's because they don't know how.
I've had some buddies that struggled with this. Some new fitted clothes, updated hairstyle, and a drop of 10lb could make a world of difference. However, it didn't seem to concern them (or they were to stubborn to change anything).
It's not easy to get concise feedback about whether you're attractive or not. Feedback from friends isn't necessarily going to be accurate. If you're a bit aloof to signals women give you, that won't help much either.
You should have an idea already, at least within a point on a ten-point scale, but the truth may surprise you (hopefully in a good way).
If you're willing to put yourself out there, there are some apps/websites that offer community-driven feedback for your photos. Years ago, I would use HororNot or OkCupid's MyBestFace.
Unfortunately, the former (while still active) seems like a scam now with unnecessary crypto integration. The latter is no longer a feature currently offered.
Today, the best site to know if you're attractive is through photofeeler.com
It's not quite the same, but it should give you an idea. The only thing to remember is that the quality of the photo you use can yield wildly different results. Make sure you upload some good ones.
If you're looking for more info on getting approached, check out What Does it Mean When a Girl Approaches You First?
Talamas, S. N., Mavor, K. I., & Perrett, D. I. (2016). Blinded by Beauty: Attractiveness Bias and Accurate Perceptions of Academic Performance. PLoS ONE, 11(2), e0148284. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0148284
Klebl, C., Rhee, J.J., Greenaway, K.H. et al. Beauty Goes Down to the Core: Attractiveness Biases Moral Character Attributions. J Nonverbal Behav 46, 83–97 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10919-021-00388-w