First- what is cold approach?
Cold approach is the means of approaching a stranger to persue a romantic interest in them. You have no previous ties and never talked to them before in your life.
So as many would expect, hitting on a random stranger can be quite challenging.
It's so easy to worry about how your actions are interpreted. The infamous world of "pickup" doesn't help how it's viewed, either.
Fortunately, cold approach does work.
It's actually a fantastic option.
Ask my girlfriend what she thinks. I cold approached her over 10 years ago. Your future wife could be out there waiting for someone like you to meet.
Don't talk yourself out of it.
The upside is still so much higher than the downside.
As long as you're polite and respectful, you're not doing anything wrong.
Of course, you need to be a guy that women want to be approached by.
So you need to get your appearance in order first...
Does Cold Approach Work For Everyone?
While the ability to approach anyone anytime may seem enticing, cold approach is not worth it for those who lack experience with dating.
For one, frequent rejections will more likely be taken personally.
This can act as a deterrent making it harder to continue.
Secondly, many inexperienced guys lack the social skills and confidence to succeed.
At least start going on dates and interacting with new women. Online dating is an excellent initial step to do this.
If you're a bit unsure whether you should start, check out Should You Cold Approach.
How to Cold Approach a Girl
Cold approaching doesn't need to be anything but simple. You do it by:
- Saying hello
- Having a small chat (~1 minute)
- Ask if they would like to hang out sometime.
If she's available and finds you attractive, that's all that's needed.
If starting is difficult, you can practice by approaching and asking for directions first.
You'll want to go in public where there are many people (mall, library, college, etc.) and at least a couple times per week for meaningful progress.
Here's a more detailed break-down:
- Saying hello and introduce yourself.
- Mention you thought she seemed cool and that you wanted to say hi.
- Apart from her response, gauge her body language to detect any interest.
- Ask what she's up to.
- Suggest hanging out and offer your number.
Another option is to use a situational opener.
These are effective as it relies on using a natural excuse to talk to her.
You might make a comment about the store you're both at, something she's doing, or just anything unique about the situation you're in.
For a more detailed breakdown of what to say, check out the best cold approach openers.
Does Cold Approach Get Easier?
Cold approach does get easier over time.
How easy will depend on the amount of approaches made and your success with it.
Success helps you push through mental blocks as you've proved to yourself it's worthwhile. Practice helps make you more comfortable with approaching as it becomes more familiar.
It will be hard not to take rejection personally at first, though.
In the beginning, you goal should be less on getting numbers and more on doing the approach. Every approach you do will make the process a little bit easier.
A good day is a day where you approached women. Keeping that mindset is best way to reduce approach anxiety as soon as possible.
Cold Approach vs Warm Approaches vs Online Dating
A warm approach is asking out someone in your social circle, at work, or through a mutual connection.
All three (cold approach, warm approach, and online dating) are useful in their own right.
If you're wondering if you should use Tinder or Cold approach, you should probably do both.
Ttake advantage of every opportunity the best you can. Once if you've put enough effort into each, you can figure it's worthwhile to prioritize one over the other.
Cold Approach Pros
- Lower competition.
Women you meet through cold approach may only rely on a small social circle for who they date. There's much less competition than those using online dating. - It's a fresh start.
It's great to meet someone you have no previous ties with. You may be introduced to an entire new social circle of future potential friends. - It helps builds confidence.
Every guy in existence has seen some girl during his day that he really wanted to go talk to, but couldn't. Cold approaching significantly builds confidence in and outside your dating life. - There are unlimited opportunities.
Not only are there endless women you can approach, but you can reach a point where you can just talk to anyone you like in your regular day-to-day life (no need to go "approaching").
Cold Approach Cons
- There's a high rejection rate.
You'll get rejected a lot, possibly more than online dating. Rejections can affect you a lot more when they're in person. - It's very challenging.
Your brain is doing everything possible to stop you from making even a single approach. It's difficult to overcome what's awkward and uncomfortable. - It's requires a lot of time to excel at.
Even if you're the smoothest and best-looking guy, it will still take a lot of time and experience to make approaching easy and quick.
Warm Approach Pros
- It's easy to initiate.
You may already have their number or at least have the chance to get it through a colleague or mutual friend. - It comes off more natural.
There's no rush since you know you know you already have contact with them. - It's simpler to gauge interest.
You can give subtle hints of interest and monitor their response much easier and at your own pace.
Warm Approach Cons
- You're limited by your options.
For most people, there's only a small handful of opportunities for women you like, who like you, and who are single. - It can be awkward if it doesn't work out.
Whether they turn you down or it ends after you date for a while- it can put a divider in your group of friends. - Some women prefer to date outside their social circle.
Even if they like you and find you attractive, they may only date guys they don't know for the same reasons as above.
Online Dating Pros
- It's effortless to set up and do.
You can meet women and set dates relatively quickly and easily through your phone. - There's always at least someone willing to meet you.
Although you may have to lower your standards compared to other methods, at least some women are always willing to go on a date with you. - It's a great resource for gaining dating experience.
You can learn and become comfortable with the entire dating process. This is invaluable as it can build your confidence in all aspects of interacting with women.
Online Dating Cons
- The competition is massive.
Every girl gets a lot of messages from a ton of guys. - You need great pictures to have a great success.
You need to stand out among all the other guys. This isn't easy, and you can't only use mirror shots and selfies. - You will likely have to lower your standards a bit.
Due to the high competition, you likely have to lower your standards to some degree (at least compared to your social circle or cold approach).
The Ceiling For Approaching is Huge
The ceiling for mastering cold approach is quite high.
Mastering cold approach relies on your success, attractiveness, and experience.
Success is not just proven the process works, either. Success with women overall helps make everything easier.
Basically, rejection isn't so bad if you're already getting laid.
Rely on dating and getting the best pictures possible.
Attractiveness is the most challenging, though.
However, you likely have more control over it that you realize. There's a lot of avenues for your focus:
- Working on your physique.
- Wearing well-fit clothes
- Choosing a proper hairstyle.
- Not going long between haircuts.
- Whitening teeth.
- Getting a tan (underrated).