How Long You Should Talk to a Girl (before asking her out)

July 8th, 2023 

It's reasonable to want to know how long you should talk to a girl before asking her out. You could risk getting rejected if you ask too early. Yet, asking too late may mean you'll waste a lot of time.

On average, you should talk to a girl for a week before asking her out. If she seems genuinely interested and engaged in the conversation, it's a strong sign she likes you. Factors influencing the ideal timeline include where you met her and how long you've known her for.

We'll go over the best timeframes depending on whether you met her through a dating app, your social circle, cold approach, or through work.

How Long to Talk Before Asking Her Out

Before we get into this, you must know there's no hard and fast rule.

How long you should talk to a girl (before asking her out) primarily depends on the connection you've developed with her.

After that: it's about what she's looking for, the type of person she is, and her age. Therefore, it's best to keep these timelines more as a reference point.


Since the purpose of Tinder is to meet others you could date, it's easy to assume it wouldn't take too long. 

Unfortunately, this is not always the case. A lot of women just join for fun or attention. Also, because you're not exactly "vetted," some may be more hesitant to set up dates quickly.

The good thing is a lot of women are still willing to meet (and without much delay). You just have to screen out women who aren't. What's even better, this has been backed up. One study claims: 65% arrange face-to-face meetings within one week of their initial online encounter.

The women who want to meet are willing to do so quickly. So, you shouldn't have to talk for more than a day or two.

I suggest a date the same day I begin chatting with girls (on Tinder). It's usually after a dozen exchanges of messages and for that same week. It works great, but you don't have to be as impatient as me.

Cold Approach

Cold approach refers to approaching someone you've never met before with the hopes of getting their number. It's generally done in a public setting and is quite challenging. But if you manage to overcome your approach anxiety, it's equally gratifying.

In most cases, you're the first guy who has ever cold approached her. So, she can be a little more reluctant since it's new to her. 

For girls you've cold approached, it's best to talk to her for a few days before asking her outThis way, it helps build comfort and gives you more stuff to talk about on the actual date.

This also includes meeting anyone "out of the blue." It doesn't have to be a typical "approach," but any girl whom you had no previous ties with. It could be someone you met at a party or event.

Social Circle

The timeline for asking out a girl from you're social circle depends on:

  • Whether you currently have her number.
  • If you're already regularly texting her.
  • How often you see her in person with your group of friends.
  • If you gave her any indication that you like her.
  • If there's currently any connection between you.

While there's always a risk of her meeting someone else, it will be low. It's okay to take a little longer since she's part of your friend group and isn't going anywhere. That being said...

You should talk to a girl in your social circle for at least a couple of weeks before asking her out.

"Talking" means one-on-one texts where you chat most days of the week. Waiting that long helps ensure she's actually interested. You don't want to risk making things awkward (with your friends) if things don't work out.

If you've both been talking for two weeks, and she initiates the chat as much as you do, it's a strong sign she likes you.

Check out 'How to Ask a Friend Out Over Text' for steps on making this as easy as possible.

Work or School

Asking someone out from school or work is similar to your social circle. You already see them at least semi-frequently, and it could be awkward if things backfire.

So, you'll want to proceed more carefully (while not wasting too much time if it doesn't work out).

Generally speaking, you should talk to her for 1-2 weeks before asking out anyone from work or school. 

Inviting them to hang out with your friends can be a bright idea. If you're having a party or going anywhere with several others (ideally both girls and guys), it can take off the pressure of an actual "date."

If you're interested in someone you work with, check out How to Casually Ask a Co-worker Out.

    How Do You Tell if a Girl Wants You to Ask Her Out?

    You can tell she wants to be asked out by these signs she'll give you:

    • She increases the communication frequency.
    • Conversations are lengthy and engaging.

    • She's playfully teasing and flirting.

    • She has a genuine interest in your life.

    • Conversations are often initiated by her.

    • She has extended eye contact with you in person.

    • Her general body language (in person).

    It can be easy for a lot of guys to overlook these things. If you're uncertain, compare how she's acting toward any of your other friends. The difference should be obvious if she likes you.

    Check out Should You Ask a Girl if You Like Her? if you think you might go direct with it.

    A girl on her phone waiting for a guy to ask her out.

    What to Talk About With a Girl Before Asking Her Out?

    Exactly what you are talking about isn't that important.

    What does matter is that you text her without being boring.

    This means avoiding small talk, focusing on building a connection, being casual yet flirty, and having the chat be fun (for both of you).

    Ditch any "lines," or anything rehearsed you might have read online. Assuming she likes you, her replies should be engaged and long enough that you have something to work with. You shouldn't fire off questions like in some interview.

    Use the context of what she's saying in your conversation for what to discussIf you need help getting started, just asking what she's up to or doing this weekend can work well. Focus on having each text be like any you would have in person.

    Check out What's Best: Asking a Girl Out Over Text or in Person? to know what option is typically best.

    What if You're Waiting Too Long to Ask Her Out?

    There's always the chance that she'll meet someone else. However, it typically doesn't work that fast. Unless you know that she's currently talking to another guy, it's not worth worrying about.

    For most guys, waiting too long typically means they risk wasting the time invested. 

    It won't work out with the majority of girls you talk to. That's just how way it is. Why bother talking to any one girl for weeks (or months) on end when it will (likely) end in a frustrating rejection?

    It's better to risk asking her out too soon than too late

    If it's a bit early, she could still come around to the idea of a date after some time. If it's too late, you could be waiting a long time.

    If you're hesitant to be direct when you ask them out, check out How to Ask Someone Out (without actually saying it). It goes over great ways to get a date set up without any risk of rejection.

    A girl on her phone waiting for a guy to ask her out.


    Ramirez, A., Fleuriet, C., & Cole, M. (2015). When Online Dating Partners Meet Offline: The Effect of Modality Switching on Relational Communication Between Online Daters. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, 20(1), 99-114.

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