How to Act Around Girls (is being yourself enough?)


My God is there some trash advice online...

The top search results for this are the most generic-looking, GPT-esque suggestions ever. It's a plague that most dating advice sites suffer from.

Telling you to be confident, act friendly, or be yourself won't accomplish anything.

Knowing how to act around women first requires a shift of mindset.

Make Sure You Have the Right Mindset

You won't act the right way if you put women on a pedestal. Being insecure and idolizing them won't help either.

Unfortunately, there's no quick way to combat this. You can't switch off being a nervous wreck who's scared to talk to girls.

What you can do is focus on your appearance and experience.

Make sure you look good and regularly talk to new girls. That's the recipe for success. This can be through social circle, cold approach, dating apps, etc.

When you're repeatedly exposed to anything, it becomes less scary.

Having this mindset for constant improvement/practice helps keep things in perspective. 

How You Should Act Around Women

If you've followed the advice above, your comfort around girls should improve.

How comfortable you are around women is most important.

You'll act best when talking to girls becomes a regular occurrence. So, hitting "a high level" will take time.

While the advice to "be yourself" is technically correct, it's not helpful by itself. It's a bit of a cop-out.

It takes time to build up character and personality that immediately shines through. Just trying so hard to be cool will likely seem unnatural.

But how should you actually act?

Have a tone that's chill, yet flirty and fun.

It's best to come across laid-back and casual in general around girls. So, you're not someone who easily gets upset. This is way more attractive to women than most guys who seem higher-maintenance.

Don't act negative or gossip all the time.

This isn't about always being positive. It just helps reinforce your overall chill vibe with her. You're not so reactive like others.

Focus on the actual conversation when you're talking.

This doesn't mean squaring off your body and giving intense eye contact. It's about listening to what's being said and being in the moment. This will help you stop constantly worrying if you said/did the right thing.

This is especially true when it comes to flirting.

When you rizz a girl up, you should be having fun with it. You're not at all acting serious or aggressive. You should enjoy hitting on girls without feeling pressure for it to "work out."

Lastly, you want to seem fun yourself.

This doesn't mean going back on being chill. It's more that you don't seem like a boring dude. This means you do more than just hang out and watch TV.

You should still be yourself, but a version that can pull this off. 

Know that She's Probably Nervous Too

Let's say you're with a girl, and you find out she's super nervous. You can tell that she hopes you like her.

How would that make you feel? It would probably lower your own nervousness, wouldn't it? 

Fortunately, most of the girls (you go on a date with) feel this way.

They may not feel it as strongly as you, but they still do.

This isn't a game where you're trying to win her over. You shouldn't try to impress with how funny or smooth you are.

Your intent should be to find if you're compatible, and act accordingly.

If someone saw your phone convo, they shouldn't see one person chasing the other. If they do, it's better her than you.

Taking How You Act to the Next Level

A term coined by the (now) defunct GoodLookingLoser is called screening.

When you truly "get" this concept, it fundamentally affects how you act around any girl.

You're essentially acting in a way to filter girls out.

So, if you only want to hook up with a girl at a party, you start flirting heavily. You may begin a normal conversation, but you ramp things up to see if there's any sexual tension. You continue quickly progressing things until you get what you're after.

Obviously, some women will be turned off by this aggressiveness. This includes girls who would've liked you if you didn't move so fast.

That's why screening isn't relevant to guys with a low body count.

Most guys can barely handle getting turned down once.

While it is a lot of rejections, it's countered by how quick you can get laid.

Key Takeaways: Be Yourself, But Better

  • You'll act best when you're confident.
  • Confidence flourishes in comfort.
  • Comfort is gained through repeated exposure (of spending time with women).
  • Be a fun, chill person to be around (while still being yourself)
  • Focus more on the conversation.
  • Focus less on what she may think of you.
  • Recognize that she's probably nervous.
  • Being able to flirt helps make your intentions clear.
  • A flirty tone/vibe is situational. There's a right time and place.

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