How to Ask a Girl Out for Coffee (in 5 easy steps)

06/11/23

Asking a girl out for coffee doesn't need to be complicated.

She'll agree if she likes you and won't if she doesn't. How you ask isn't as important as making sure you actually go through with it.

If you're capable, leave this site and go do it now.

If you would rather have each step laid out, then read on.

Aside from these 5 easy steps, we'll also cover:

  • Asking out someone you know for coffee (versus some random)
  • Tips for asking girls out.
  • How to ask them out for coffee over text.
  • If asking her out for coffee is better than drinks.

1. Have the Right Mindset and Expectations

Asking a girl out can be very challenging.

The pressure you put on yourself can easily cause you to start overthinking everything. This can snowball into becoming noticeably nervous around her.

That's why success should be dictated by the approach itself.

Doing something this difficult should be celebrated.

There are a lot of reasons why a girl may turn you down (many of which are out of your control). So, you should recognize that you overcame your fear and got the job done (regardless of the result).

This is a healthy mindset for cold approach as well. It utilizes exposure therapy, which gradually makes hard things doable.

2. Make Sure You Look Your Best

If you're asking this girl out in person, you should make sure you look good.

When you look good, you feel good.

Those good feelings spill over into your confidence. Looking fresh AF will make a better impression when you talk to her.

Unfortunately, many guys completely miss the mark on what looks good.

It is subjective (to some degree), but some universal basics need to be nailed:

  • Properly fitting clothes
  • Basic grooming and beard maintenance
  • Not going long without a haircut
  • Ensuring you avoid outdated or poor hairstyles

A tan helps a ton, too. It bumps everyone up a number on the ten-point attractiveness scale.

However, don't feel like you have to look your best to ask anyone out. It's more about having a higher baseline of how good you look (on average).

A photo of a woman in a cafe.

3. Approach Her as Soon as You See Her

It's best to approach and ask her out as soon as you see her.

If this girl doesn't know you well (and you're approaching her in a public setting), it can be easy to look for excuses to not do it. If you find yourself struggling, check out the AA program.

The longer you wait, the more difficult it will get.

Any hesitancy will lead you to start looking for excuses. If you wait too long, you'll start making them up on the spot.

Don't think, just go.

She could indeed be busy or preoccupied with something. Still, approaching won't change whether she would go out with you. The only thing waiting for an "opening" would change is your odds of actually doing it.

4. Use a Simple Prepared Line to Help You Out

Although typical pickup lines are bad, planning how to ask her out is still okay. As long as it doesn't come across as super rehearsed, it helps to have something prepared. 

Remember, what matters is that she likes you and is available.

Let's get into the different ways to ask women out for coffee.

With using lines, you can use one that does everything for you:

"hey I know this is a bit different, but would you want to go out for a coffee sometime?"

Another option is talking for a bit first before asking them out:

"how's your shift going?"

"this is a bit random but I thought you're cool and wanted to swing by and say hi."

If you already know her well, then asking her should be simpler in most cases:

"hey- we should grab a coffee sometime if you're down."

A photo of two young people on a date.

One alternative is to chat them up and mention a new/relevant place to go. So, maybe you talk about the fair in town or an event happening soon. It could also be some new hobby-type place that's opening up.

"You see that new laser bowling place opening? It looks cool."

After she responds, you can casually ask them out:

"It actually sounds pretty fun. We should hit it up soon."

After she agrees, suggest a specific day.

Even though it's obviously a date, you're asking her in a way that seems like a friend. This makes it much easier as it's indirect. For more examples like this, check out How to ask a girl out (without actually saying it).

5. End the Chat Quickly and Give Her Your Number

It's typically best to end the conversation quickly as you never know their honest reaction. Endlessly chatting may otherwise be a waste of time for both of you.

If this was a girl you cold approached, giving them your number instead of asking for hers is ideal. This way, she won't have to give her info to some stranger.

However, it's not a strict rule or anything. Do whatever you find easiest.

You can end the conversation with:

"Cool. Send me a message later."

You could also suggest exactly what day you could meet up with her. If you would rather do that over text, that's fine too.

Photo of a girl in a cafe.

Helpful Tips for Asking Her Out for Coffee

  • It's normal if it's awkward.
  • Chat them up first, if possible.
  • Recognize the difficulty is entirely in you head.It's all on your head. 
  • Know that a rejection isn't a mistake.
  • Ask more than one girl out

It's easy to get a # from an 8/10 and a rejection from a 5/10 on the same day. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

The generic advice you read online will say "be confident," "have good posture," "hold eye contact for x seconds," etc. Yet, it doesn't help at all. 

Your mind will bounce around thinking about everything you "need" to do. You won't be in the moment (which is crucial for comfort and confidence).

The pressure can build up too high if you let it. Remember, it's just coffee. It's not some marriage proposal.

How Do You Ask a Girl Out for Coffee Over Text?

Using your phone to ask a girl out is a lot easier. However, feelings develop faster in person. If she's already met you and knows you (at least somewhat well), it's fine to rely on text. 

She likely prefers it this way too.

To limit the potential harshness of rejection, you can ask her out on a specific date:

"We should grab a coffee this weekend."

If she's not interested, she'll probably say she's busy. So, you'll get the message loud and clear without the typical "rejection." If this girl actually wants to, she'll bring up another day that she's free.

You can drop it there and move on.

If you don't believe me, you can add: "let me know next time you're free then." 

It opens up the chance she's actually interested without having to be normally turned down.

Picture of a coffee date.

Is Asking Her Out for Coffee Better than Drinks?

The difference between a coffee date versus going out for drinks isn't going to be much.

It mainly comes down to preference.

(but also your age and budget)

I've always preferred going out for drinks. The only times I went to a cafe was with girls who weren't old enough to drink.

Obviously, this was many years ago as I've since turned 30.

One thing I did (back then) was often choosing to sit up at the bar. It's more casual sitting beside someone than staring directly at them. Also, any TVs on display can help give you something to talk about.

Regardless, they're both good options. Drinks or caffeine helps get you both chatting and loosened up. In most cases, I'm just down for whatever she prefers.

Getting the Coffee Shop Date

Know that you can do everything perfectly and still get rejected.

Being able to follow through and ask a girl out is better than trying to find the perfect way to do it.

It's really not a big deal. Quit reading this and go do it. Let me know how it went below.

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