How to Ask a Girl to Hook Up (in 4 easy steps)


If you're looking to hook up with a girl, you'll want to do it correctly. Otherwise, even a slam dunk can end up backfiring.

Asking a girl to hook up is generally best done indirectly

Most girls don't want to be directly asked that on the spot. Expecting an answer puts them in an awkward position of having to commit. 

She won't want to feel obligated to hook up, even if she likes you.

Even if you directly ask, things can end up changing (that may not be in your control). Having her feel like she's required to put out isn't ideal.

We'll get into exactly how you can (indirectly) ask her to hook up. This way, she'll know what you want the next time you see her.

The Best Way to Ask a Girl to Hook Up

While being straight with women is generally preferable, the indirect route can be more effective.

This is true for asking them to hook up as well as asking girls out.

These four steps below break it down so she knows your intentions clearly. We'll also review some tips, common mistakes, and how to go a more direct route (if you prefer).

Step 1: Flirt with them beforehand

The first step is to flirt.

It's not about making a few random flirty comments. It's to set the tone of what you want. This way, she knows how you expect to progress things. It also helps to prevent you from being put in the friendzone.

How much you should flirt or rizz her up depends on how long you've been talking.

If you're purely just friends right now, it'll seem weird if you suddenly ask for her for a picture.

If that's case, you'll have to ease into this.

There is no perfect line you can say that I can share. Flirting is best when it's done creatively, integrating it into whatever you're talking about. 

Let's say she were to mention her weight one day, you can comment on how petite she is. Or another time, mentioning how her new outfit looks hot.

Then, there's just an overall playful/teasing vibe to keep up with her. Being funny in a sexual way is good too.

It takes time to get good at it.

Don't worry too much, though. Just keep it light and casual while still making it clear that you want her.

Step 2: Pick the right day to do it

This isn't about the right day to ask them. It's about when you actually want to have sex with them.

Make sure to keep your present connection her in mind.

This means whether there's currently any romantic interest between you. This is because if you're friends, it'll be easy for her to interpret your advances as wanting to date.

This is why screening women is important to learn. This way, you filter out the girls who aren't interested in the same things as you. 

It saves both of you a lot of time and prevents anyone from getting hurt.

A photo of a girl texting in her room.

Step 3: Suggest hanging out

It's crucial that this is not some typical "hangout." If your house is free on a specific day, tell her that. Say: 

"my parents are gone all day tomorrow if you'd want to hang out."

Maybe "jokingly" suggest a sleepover slumber party for the two of you.

Telling her how your place is free will drive home your intentions.

She'll 100% understand what you're getting at. Yet, she still won't have to verbally commit to having sex.

Hooking up can be a big deal to women. She knows she could change her mind or end up not feeling comfortable enough to do it.

When you instead do it this way, it allows her to have an "excuse" locked and loaded (like how she's on her period).

Here's another indirect option

Tell some story about how you have a hotel room free because your visiting family left early (or something along those lines). Say how you can chill by the pool and whatever else. If she's down, then go book a night there.

It's not always easy if you still live with your parents.

Tips for Asking Her for a Hook Up

Adjust to what the girl is like

This means taking things slower (or faster) depending on what she's like (so if she has a high body count, you can probably speed things up a bit).

Adjust to where you met her

Similarly, the intentions of a woman you met in church probably differ from those from a hookup site.

Exchange pictures beforehand

Sending (and receiving) pics is a surefire way to set the tone. Make sure you know how to ask a girl for a picture before you do.

Flirt, but still keep it light and casual

Don't flirt so aggressively that it scares her away. Just do enough where she knows what you want. If she flirts back, it's go time!

Be honest if she asks you anything directly

Indirect doesn't mean hiding your intentions. If she happens to ask you exactly what you want, just be honest with her.

Can You Ever Directly Ask a Woman to Hook Up?

You can still be direct if you really want to. It can be pretty useful and fits into screening very well.

But... it's not for everyone.

It often ends things with girls who could have otherwise hooked up with you. Yet at the same time, you're immediately getting right to what you're after.

It's a less subtle approach overall. If you're experienced enough with women and dating, you can find a balance between the two.

This means chatting her up for a bit then suggesting to hang out soon. When she agrees, you can invite her over to chill.

This is hugely beneficial if you have some swagger.

This means she knows you're a guy who gets what he wants. You've got rizz and the confidence to back it up. She knows you've likely been with many women and won't wait around forever.

How Can I Tell if She's Interested in a Hookup?

Knowing that she wants you will typically be straightforward:

  • If a girl is talking to you, she at least likes you as a friend.
  • If a girl is talking to you after you've been flirting, she's at least interested in you.
  • If a girl is flirting back with you, she's open to hooking up.
  • If a girl flirts back and agrees to chill at your place, she wants to hook up.

Whether or not she only wants a "hook up" depends on the vibe and expectations that you've given her.

How to Ask a Friend to Hook Up?

Asking a friend to hook up carries its own challenges.

It's first best to be completely sure that they even like you. You don't want to get awkwardly rejected by someone you see constantly.

Use the same method of gradually flirting with them to "test the waters." 

It's a good sign if they're receptive to it. Then, you can "ask" her to hookup the same way you would ask a friend out: suggest hanging out, then go for it.

The expectations should be set by how you talk to her.

It's the same deal whether a friend or someone new. Indirect will continue to be best for this sort of thing.

How Do You Ask a Girl to Come Over at Night?

If you're confident she's down for a fling, just invite her over tonight.

Examples of what to text her:

  • "I have a great idea." "You should come visit:)"
  • "My bed would be way more cozy with you in it"
  • "We should chill"
  • "I'd kill for sprite rn", "If you bring me one I'd give you the worlds best back massage"

Of course, you could always send a picture of your junk. It's not my style, but it can work. It's effective for giving the impression that you only want a hookup.

Sometimes, they just want the D.

Check out how to make a move on a girl if it's difficult to escalate.

Casual Hookups

The main thing is to first gauge what she's down for. Then, progress any interest she has to sleep with you.

You won't misinterpret any signals if she's receptive to being hit on.

From that point, the most realistic "rejection" from her would be from things moving too fast.

That will be expected (to some degree) as you don't yet have the experience to know otherwise. She may also like you but only wants to go as far as third base for now.

For most of my 20s, I didn't heavily screen. It was instead more of a hybrid. I would set up actual dates through online dating, then go for the hook up when we met for the second or third time.

This is a great balance to not waste time while still gaining experience.

Regarding the bio, my dating profile wasn't anything unique. I just prioritized great pictures. It was during the dates themselves that set the tone for who I was and what I was after.

It worked very well.

After gaining enough experience, I developed the luxury of filtering out girls who didn't want to fool around.

Key Takeaways:

  • Indirectly asking is best as she won't feel obligated
  • Flirting with her helps gauge interest
  • You can ask directly if you screen her (and are experienced)
  • Hint at a hookup (like mentioning your house is free)
  • Exchange pics beforehand to set the right tone
  • Try to not overthink it all so much.
  • Don't get upset if it doesn't work out. Learn and move on.

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