How to Meet Women at the Library (exactly what to say)
Going up and talking to a girl in the library is one of the most casual type of approaches you can make. It's likely the best beginner spot to make your first approaches too.
How to meet women at the library?
Approach them and comment on a book they're reading or a section they're browsing. Gauge their interest by how receptive they are, then ask one or two follow-up questions (like about their interest in certain genre).
Then, suggest hanging out sometime and offer your number.
We'll cover ways to make the approach easier, what exactly to say, how to get their number, and whether libraries or bookstores are better.
Talking to Girls at the Library
Step 1: What to say
How to best approach and talk to her can depend on what exactly she's doing at that moment. The main thing to remember here is having an excuse for what to say (as it's the most challenging part).
Below are some general situations you can expect them to be in and examples of what to say. Check out the Best cold approach openers for more typical approaches (that not in a specific place like a library).
If she's reading a book:
If she's reading a specific book or novel, you can start by quickly Googling it if you can catch the name. Get some basic information about it or the author to bring up in your approach. You can even ask ChatGPT for a quick summary on it.
If she's instead reading a textbook, you can bring up the related class she's taking and ask her how it is, what's her major is, etc.
- "Hey sorry bother but I noticed you're reading x and I'm wondering what you thought of it so far?"
- "Hey is that for Intro to Computer Science? I'm thinking about taking that class- how is it?"
If she's browsing some section:
Suppose the girl you want to approach is browsing different genres or sections. In that case, you can follow a similar idea as if they were reading a specific book.
- "Are you into psychology? Any recommendations?"
- "Have you read that new Andy Weir book? I heard it's pretty good"
It's even better if it's a topic you enjoy. I'm into a lot of space-related books. The last time I was at the bookstore to pick one up, there was a girl who happened to be looking at this same niche astronomy section.
Since it's (unfortunately) beside the astrology section, I initially figured that she just drifted off too far.
But nope- we chatted, and there was an instant connection purely from a topic we both share an interest in. It didn't go anywhere though, since I'm in a relationship. However, next time I would probably ask for their number (platonically).
There's probably a section in the library or book store that you have some interest or passion about. The message here is to figure out what that is and to not let any opportunity (where they're at that relevant section) pass you by.
Talking to women about a mutual interest is the easiest and smoothest approach you'll ever make.
Step 2: continue the conversation
At this point, you'll want to ideally have another exchange back and forth before getting her number. It's unnecessary if you're blanking on what to say, but it helps things flow better.
Continue building off of what you've already said:
- Any books she's currently reading
- Any other genre's she's into
- Book recommendations
- Author recommendations
- What other classes she's taking
- What the teacher is like for that class
Step 3: Get their number
The last step is ending the conversation by giving them your number or asking for theirs.
Giving them your number is good as it's easier to say and more comfortable for them. However, it does put the ball in their court for initiating the conversation afterwards.
You can just straight-up ask a typical way like "This is kind of different but- would you ever want to hang out sometime?"
Otherwise, you can use an "excuse" like these two examples:
"I'm actually looking to really get into some good mystery novels- if you want a book buddy I can give you my number"
"If I decide to take this class, would you mind if I ever ask you any questions about a certain section or anything?", "here's my number"
For the second example: she may only be doing this to be helpful and not from any interest. So, since you most likely have no interest in whatever class they're taking, I would follow it up later on to gauge any romantic interest:
"I'm having a party this weekend and inviting a bunch of people. Figured I'd ask you too so feel free to stop by. Address is..."
"Hey this is kind of random but I'm looking to meet some new friends and wanting to know if you want to chill some time"
Should You Regularly Hit Up Women at the Library?
There are some disadvantages to using a library or bookstore to meet women.
The biggest problem you may face is how at most, there's likely only a handful of approaches you can make.
Libraries are best for meeting women if it's already a place you frequent or if it's attached to a mall or college where you can make other approaches.
You don't want to spend a lot of time getting there, make 2 failed attempts for a number, then have to go home.
Furthermore, you ideally don't want to be seen as some guy regularly coming to hit on a bunch of women every week.
Approaching at Bookstores vs. Libraries
There's not a huge difference between approaching at one versus the other, so I would choose whatever makes more sense for you.
The main differences between approaching at a library versus a bookstore:
- Libraries are typically bigger: so you could do more approaches. Skip any super small bookstores.
- Bookstores can be attached to a mall: you can swing by anytime you're shopping or doing mall approaches.
- Libraries can be close to colleges: similar to bookstores and malls- good for approaching.
- Libraries have more students: great for more young attractive people and easy conversation starters.
- Bookstores easier to talk in: although people do read in bookstores, it's not nearly as quiet so it's nice that not everyone in the place hears you hitting on someone.
Most of my approaches were at a bookstore here in Canada called Chapters. It has a Starbucks attached, so the caffeine may have even helped make them more sociable.
Library Cold Approach Success Rate
Your success rate approaching at a library should be around 5- 10%, which is in line with any other usual approach (this is based on tracking my personal experience with it).
The only reason it could be a bit higher by default is that the approaches are much more natural, but I doubt it matters much (unless you're only talking to people who share the same interest in books).
However, this success rate may vary for you due to:
- Not large enough sample size
- Whether you're approaching above or below your level of attractiveness
- Luck
- Your appearance
- Your experience approaching
- Your confidence
Since this number can wildly vary, so I would just use it as a rough baseline and not some guarantee.
Bumping into Book Worms
You should find libraries (and bookstores) as one of the more accessible places for any approach. They're one of the easier spots if you have approach anxiety.
If you use your environment and what they're doing as a means of what to say, any conversation should flow much more naturally.
While it doesn't usually offer many options of who to approach, it's a worthwhile spot for anyone who may live close to one or frequent it regularly for school.
If you prefer using these "situational openers" which are generally a lot less challenging- check out 10 Clever Ways to Approach a Girl, where I go over various unique ways to meet women in everyday life.
Good luck. If you're at the library right now- let me know if the comments section how the approach went (or didn't if your approach anxiety was too intense).
Common Questions
Can it be rude to interrupt them while they're reading?
Yes, it could certainly be rude, so it's up to you. One thing to consider though- imagine if things work out and you end up dating her... I doubt she would mind in the end.
At the very least, it's why it's always good to keep the encounter brief (especially if they might be preoccupied).
Are certain times of the day better for meeting women at libraries?
If you're at a library that is close to or connected to a college or university, going on when class breaks or at least during school hours is likely best.
If you're at a regular municipal library, I wouldn't worry too much about the exact time- though weekends may be preferable (same with bookstores).
