How to Not Get Friendzoned After a Date
If you've recently been on one or multiple dates that didn't lead anywhere, you know it can suck.
If you haven't already dated much, knowing how to internalize things and not take rejection personally can be difficult.
Properly screening beforehand will help you avoid getting friendzoned on dates. This is so they know what you're looking for, what you look like, and have a good idea of who you are all before you go on a single date.
We'll get into why friendzoning may happen after dates, the steps to prevent it, and how to better keep it all in perspective.
Avoiding The Friendzone After Dates
It's essential to first realize that a date not going anywhere doesn't mean you did anything wrong.
This is a trap a lot of guys can easily fall into.
It will drive you crazy if you try to break down how the date went and assume you made mistakes and must change things.
Sometimes it just doesn't work out.
You'll get better at dates over time as you gain more experience going on them and become more comfortable. This First Date Guide can help with the basics.
You could indeed be making some mistakes, and we'll get into what they may be, but try not to overthink everything all the time.
Reasons Not in Your Control
There are always going to be reasons that are out of your control. They may be pretty obvious, but it's good to review them anyway.
Lack of Chemistry
Things just don't "click." After the date, you're just as close to being more than friends as when you started.
No Similar Interests
Maybe opposites attract, but you still need to have some things in common. If there's nothing relevant to both of you to talk about, I wouldn't expect it to lead anywhere.
General Compatibility Issues
You're just not compatible.
I've been on dates with some women who were genuinely cool, but it's like we were from different planets. It happens, so brush it off and move on.
Reasons That Are in Your Control
There are some things in your control that may (or may not) be already clear to you.
Any Obvious Mistakes
These are some hopefully obvious things that you shouldn't do. This includes talking about an ex, having poor hygiene, getting into politics, drinking too much, etc.
Catfishing
You're not fooling anybody. If you use online dating, you must have accurate pictures of yourself.
I'm the first to say pictures are everything for success with dating apps. However, it's about making you actually look that good versus getting some 'one in a thousand' photo of yourself that you look great in.
This is an entire topic for another time, but you can check out glow up tips for some quick changes you can make today.
Poor Date Ideas
Assuming it's something they actually want to do, this is hard to screw up.
That being said, one popular date spot that should almost always be avoided is going to the theater.
The whole point of a date is getting to know them, and that's a bit difficult to do when you're watching a movie for a couple hours. At the very least, save this for another time together.
Screening
Screening is essentially is making it clear who you are and what you're after (there's a bit more nuance to it than that though).
- For one, many guys don't do this and instead drag along some poor girl thinking they're interested in a relationship, but then ghost her.
- Secondly, it just saves you both from wasting each other's time.
Women do it too, and it can be great if you're experienced and at that point in your life where you're not looking for anything else.
However, there's a time to do it and a time not to.
If you are screening, she should know what you're looking for before your first date. I'll expand on this topic soon, but it's essentially just sending the right signals.
If you've been some polite gentleman and "Mr. Nice Guy" over text, then start heavily flirting/touching when you first meet, it's probably not going to work out.
What You Should Do
Step 1: Optimize What You Can Control
The first step is realizing what's in your control and taking the appropriate measures to address it.
Step 2: Be Yourself
The second step is cliché AF- but be yourself.
Many guys worry about trying to say or do the perfect thing on dates but never end up becoming comfortable.
You may be acting in a way you think you "should," but she can tell it's not you.
Never being comfortable and having to think before you do or say anything will backfire. It could even cause performance issues if you're always overthinking and trying to act like some smooth, cool "alpha".
Still, be your best self- not that version of you that skips showers and plays COD all day, but one that's still you.
Step 3: Gain Enough Experience
The final step is taking experience into account, and planning to get as much of it as you can.
I'm a broken record repeating "experience" in all my dating posts, but it's really invaluable.
I understand that dating may be a focal point in your life. You want to get better with women and have dates that go well. That's honestly great. However, there's no use in analyzing everything in the meantime.
Prioritize gaining as much experience as possible, as you'll learn everything you should know along the way.
Take advantage of whatever social circle opportunities you can, integrate cold approaching, and use online dating apps focusing on great pictures with playing the numbers.
One Last Tip...
This is something that's not exactly easy to teach, but still central to achieving a lot of success with dating:
You want to have sex appeal.
I can't say this is about any one individual thing. A big part of it is just a by-product of having a lot of experience.
It's largely a combination of how you look, how you hold yourself, and your confidence.
If you've never been on a date before, I wouldn't necessarily prioritize this. You'll end up failing 'step 2' by faking some persona that she can see straight through.
That being said, it's important to keep this in mind in the future. For now, focus on still looking your best and at least try to avoid talking about typical boring topics. You should be able to seem fun and cool while still being yourself.
If you recently went on a date and not sure what to do next, check out the After First Date Rules.
