How to Text a Girl Who Has a Boyfriend (to get her)

July 21st, 2023 

Every guy has been there. You meet some awesome girl and develop a big crush on her. Unfortunately, you find out later that she has a boyfriend. You try to do what's right and move on, but you can't stop thinking about her.

I'm not here to lecture you on your morals. The advice in this article is to provide you with the knowledge to make an informed decision. You'll learn how to text girls who have boyfriends and the realistic outcomes for doing so.

By the end, you may see a path toward trying to date her. Or, you may just find it's not worthwhile to  go after her. 

Either way, let's get to it.

Texting a Girl Who Has a Boyfriend

How to go about texting a girl with a boyfriend depends on your goals and what you're comfortable with.

The first option is to accept the friend zone and wait it out.

You slowly build a connection through text (or in-person) and wait for an opening. It's a large time commitment without guaranteed results. This is what most men do, and it's generally pointless. Most often you're just providing her attention.

However, it can be worth it if you genuinely like her as a friend.

If that's the case, there's not much "strategy" you can apply. Ensure you get enough out of the friendship, even if it never leads anywhere. Otherwise, it's not healthy to drag yourself along with some girl who's unavailable. 

If instead you've developed oneitis for heryour best bet is to just move on. If you can't manage that, at least keep contact to a minimum.

Try to have your own life going on. Don't immediately jump and respond to any texts she sends. Text her in a fun and casual way that pushes up to the line of flirting (without actually crossing it). 

With this option, you're essentially a Jim trying to get his Pam (from The Office). There's a Roy in your way, but you're playing the long game in hopes it works out.

The second option is to actively try and get her to leave her boyfriend.

Basically, you'll start by just testing the waters. Gradually text her more and more and see her reception to it.

Continually progress things with her, but do not move too quickly. At the very least, every two or so weeks should have a noticeable change in how often you talk. At the same time, your connection should progressively build (even if only slightly).

You can do this by texting her more, subtly flirting, and possibly talking about some deeper topics.

While waiting longer will increase the likelihood of success, it's not recommended. This is because the odds are still not in your favor. So, you don't want to waste time endlessly.

Reasons going against you dating her:

  • She may leave her boyfriend for some other guy.
  • If she does it for you, she could do it on you.
  • She may not want to date after a breakup.
  • The girl may not have any romantic interest in you.
  • She prefers you to stay in her friendzone.
  • She's actually happy in her relationship.

That last point is what will most likely derail things for you. If she loves dating him, she's not going to leave him. This is why you need to gradually make a move to see her reception. If she doesn't seem cold to you flirting with her (or flirts back), there's a strong chance you have an opening.

How to flirt with a girl who has a boyfriend?

To flirt with a girl with a boyfriend,  you must know how far you can take it.

If a girl is genuinely receptive to your texts, it's a great sign that she likes you.

However, you should never directly flirt with her.

This means going as far as teasing and being playful with her. Even if she deep down wants to leave her boyfriend, she'll feel guilty flirting heavily with anyone.

If she's open to flirting, her relationship is likely complicated. There is a strong chance she'll feel uncertain about what to do. Yet, she's enjoying talking to you and still wants to continue.

If this is the case, she may be fine with texting you often. Just make sure the flirting isn't obvious, or else she might distance herself from you.

Since it's best to be creative with your responses (based on what you're talking about), there are no "lines" to provide you with. You should mainly focus on having the conversation be fun and enjoyable.

  • Lightly tease her.
  • Comment on what she has/wears, but not her. So you can say "that skirt looks great," but not "that skirt looks great on you."
  • Joke around. Typical flirting 101, without any sexual connotations.
  • Send her pictures of you. You'll want a reason/context for doing so. Maybe you have a good picture of yourself on some trip you took. Next time she asks what you're doing, tell her you're looking at trips. Then, lead that into the topic of past trips, which further leads into where you went. You can then send her the picture with it coming across completely natural. You could also send a pic asking her opinion on your recent haircut, to show her a scar you got, etc.
  • Ask her for pictures. This should also be indirect. It may not be flirty at all, but that's okay. It's still intimate when a woman sends a guy pictures inside her home (or wherever).

Again, this is all about progression. She may not send many pictures now (at least not of her), but she should open up over time. She will become comfortable with what doesn't feel "right" at first.

Getting a Woman to Leave Her Boyfriend For You

There is certainly some controversy around this. Nevertheless, I assume you're fine with it since you likely got to this page from googling it.

I get it. She's always on your mind, and you want to go out and get what you want. Let the best man win, right?

First- it's improbable that there is something that special or unique about her.

You may have strong feelings toward her, but statistically, some other girl who's just as cool is right around the corner (if you're willing to look).

Being young and inexperienced can cause you to have some pretty powerful emotions towards a girl. These feelings are very likely to drive the decisions you make. At least try to keep in mind the statistical likelihood that she isn't that special.

Make sure to actively go out and meet others (whether you pursue her or not).

You can try to meet girls through hobbies, dating apps, cold approach, your social circle, through volunteering, etc.

This will reduce your dependence on things to go the way you want. Even if you take the more direct route of progressively flirting, it's still likely to take time.

At a minimum, you can live your life focusing on other women (while keeping her on the back burner). Given time, she may become single before you know it. Also, make yourself as attractive as you can be. Become someone worth leaving for.

Lastly, remember that many guys are very possessive and jealous.

This could actually work in your favor, as it's practically the biggest turnoff a girl can have in a guy. It may develop into a toxic relationship or help push her away from him.

On the flip side, he could be unpredictable. You're playing with fire either way.

A guy and girl sitting together. They are in a midst of a breakup.

Dating, Women & Text: Should You Break Things Up?

It is important to note how you're not forcing her. It's pretty odd for anyone to say otherwise. 

If a woman leaves her boyfriend for you, that's her choice.

She's her own person and can make her own decisions. It's the same deal whether or not she wants to be your girlfriend. 

Still, it sucks if your girl is talking to another guy. You're acting like a splinter forcing open cracks in relationships. This crack may have otherwise healed, and you were the one who got the ball rolling. 

Either way, you'll be playing a part in the demise of their relationship (even if it's just pushing forward the inevitable).

If you directly go after her, it's critical to reiterate to test the waters first. You can get a clear sign of yes or no which can help save you a lot of time. While playing the "Jim & Pam game" is possible, it will probably be a huge time sink.

Make whatever decision is best for you- but recognize the full reality of the situation.

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