How to Text a Girl Without Being Boring (7 tips)

06/30/23

Every guy should be able to text a girl without being boring. 

Unfortunately, not many know how to do it

Many guys in their early 20s just haven't built up their character and confidence yet. 

This inexperience shines through to the girls they're texting.

We'll get into the basics of how not to be a boring texter and precisely what you should be doing instead.

But before we get into this- it's crucial to not miss the big picture here. If a girl really likes you, you could still have success without doing a single one of these tips

Just like if you are interested in a girl who's a dull texter, you (probably) wouldn't stop talking to her either.

So while these tips can 100% help (especially if you're currently not doing any of them), they're best as a reference of how you should ideally be texting women.

1. Avoid Small Talk When Texting Your Crush

The first step to sending a good text is to avoid leading it to a stale conversation. 

These primarly involve a lot of dull topics and small talk.

It may be obvious, but it's extremely common and needs to be said. Many guys chat with a girl as if it's some formal business talk or interview.

Although some small talk can be okay to ask mundane questions (like asking how her day was), you'll want to limit the overall use.

Think about it, what is your goal here?

Do you want her to be infatuated and always thinking about you? Or do you want to interact with her like some colleague of yours?

Act like someone who knows how to turn her on.

If you're not already, then you need to seriously change your approach.

A girl building a connection with a boy over text.

2. Focus on Building a Connection

Building a connection means having her engage with what you're saying. You can start by building off of what you already know about her.

You should also expect some other guys to already be talking with the girl you like

While some will be her orbiters (guys who commit endless time to one girl only to be perpetually friendzoned), some will be legitimate competition.

How do you stand out from these rivals?

Assuming you're not boring in real life, a big part of it is to build an genuine connection with her.

This can mean different things. For "girlfriend material," it's exactly as it sounds. You don't want to waste endless time talking to her, but you always want to be progressing things forward.

While a part of this is knowing how to rizz up a girl (your "game"), it largely just involves following the other tips in this guide and committing some time to her.

For the girl who is more interested in a fling, you won't be engaging in deep conversation topics. Instead, it's more about matching her interest level while escalating (while being flirty).

Remember, spending time together is the best way to build a connection with a girl

She won't become hooked on you by something you said over text. Instead, it's about her experience in person and how you made her feel.

That's why you should always be moving towards setting up a date

3. Be Fun and Flirty With Your Texts

If you want her to believe you can turn her on, you'll want to be fun and flirty. Understand it can take time and practice to get good at it. It involves some creativity and spotting a good time to do it.

There's two ways you can do it, directly or creatively.

Direct Flirting Text Example:

"I was creeping your insta. I like that second picture. You look good in it."

This is a direct way which is fine, but not going a more creative direction means it won't come off as natural. Best used if you're struggling to think up any clever/creative ways.

Creative Flirting Text Example:

You can take something she says and add some sexual context to it. 

There are a million ways to do it. Maybe you're talking and she happens to mention her pants she just bought are too tight. You could say something like:

  • "well I guess you'll have to walk around all naked :)"
  • "I guess you should ditch the pants then. Show off that nice butt of yours."
  • "I bet they look great. Take a pic and let me see"
  • "also one without the pants so I can compare ;)"

The 3 examples are just options for what could be appropriate. If you just started talking to her, you may not want to lay it on thick right away. If you're a virgin (or if she's one), flirting this way may not be the best thing to do.

Don't forget that every girl or situation can be different, so it won't apply to everyone.

It's just like sending pictures of your junk to women. 

While that can potentially "work," it's only for women who want that sort of thing. Most don't. For those that do- you generally have to seek them out (meaning, attracting a girl who are specifically looking for a one-night stand).

A girl texting a guy who's laid back.

4. Keep it Light and Casual

You don't want to be fun and flirty all the time. Ideally, most conversations should be interesting (because of humor, flirting, etc.) or otherwise light and casual.

If you genuinely like her, you should certainly get into more serious or deeper topics (on occasion).

You don't need to have some "goal" or objective with each text, though. You also don't need to think up some super interesting questions or conversation starters.

The vibe you want to give is chill, but still fun. It's as if she's just along for the ride. While things may work out and a relationship could develop, you're not dependent on it happening.

You don't want to seem like a guy that sticks around if friendzoned. But, you also don't want her to feel you'll bail if she needs to postpone a date.

5. Make Sure it's Enjoyable for Both of You

You're not trying to be analytical and spend so much time thinking up the perfect reply for each message. 

You should ideally be texting like a player. This means having fun with it and not being dependent on the outcome.

A big part of this is using humor

Although not everyone's funny (and it can come off poorly when forced), it's something you should improve at over time.

Every once in a while, ask yourself if the conversation you're having is actually enjoyable for both of you.

If you're inexperienced, you can otherwise take it too seriously and lose focus on what you're trying to achieve.

a girl texting on her phone

6. Balance Text Frequency and Response Time

95% of the time with dating, having any sort of strategy, tactics, or techniques is pointless.

The other 5% is otherwise useful. 

Paying attention to text frequency/response time does apply and hold some value.

You should not text where you're always initiating the conversations or immediately responding back. Strike the right balance without being a dry texter. 

The truth is, she is doing the exact same thing. Everyone does it. So, keep yourself mindful of it.

With that said, remember what actually matters. If she likes you and you were to ramp up your texting frequency and response time, she would likely do the same.

Similarly, no "perfect" text response rate would change anything if she's not that interested in you.

7. Avoid Giving Excessive Compliments

You're talking to her, so she knows you're interested and how you like her. You don't need to compliment her to cement that.

A woman's interest in a man has never been dictated by the compliments he gives her.

Don't go sending out lots of compliments when you text girls. They'll probably get turned off by it and think it's cringe. It's better to give none than too many.

If you must, have them be less frequent but more authentic

Have it actually mean something (while still being truthful). Don't purely comment on aspects of her appearance either. 

While this can be a great way to flirt, it can give the wrong impression if that's all you do.

If she's a good listener, very honest, down to earth, etc. then you should compliment her on it. Just don't go crazy with it.

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