How to Text a Girl Without Seeming Desperate (6 Tips)

July 26th, 2023 

Coming across as desperate is a massive turn-off for girls. 

Even if she's the only girl you're texting, you don't want it to seem that way. Ideally, she should see that you're a pretty chill guy and not dependent on things working out. Guys who actually have options act this way, and it's worth emulating.

If you follow the 6 tips below, you'll never appear needy or desperate over text.

Before we get into it: try to overthink everything.

Some strategy is okay to get you on the right track, but you must keep things in perspective. She's texting you, so she already likes youIt's largely just a matter of not screwing up. Understanding why these tips work is more important than always using them.

If you're unsure what that means, check out How to Text like a Player. Now let's get to it.

1. Follow Basic Rules of Texting 101

You should already be following these basic guidelines. If you're not, here they are:

  • Don't double-text.
  • Don't immediately share your feelings for her.
  • Avoid texting fluff as much as you can.
  • Don't always immediately respond back.
  • Show interest in her/what she says.
  • Don't actively try to impress her.
  • Don't over-text.

2. Set Up a Date Quickly

It's easy to assume that it looks desperate when you're eager to set up a date.

However, that couldn't be further from the truth.

You don't want to text her endlessly with the hope she'll one day go out with you. You should instead seem like a guy that doesn't wait around forever.

You're not a pushover, and she should get a sense of that

This may mean that things will sometimes end sooner than later between you. It doesn't mean you "messed up." It means you dodged a bullet. You can now move your attention to the next girl (who's actually interested in spending time with you).

Don't be one of her orbiters.

If you're wondering about the exact timeline, how to ask them out, or what to do after, check out these posts: 

If it's a girl you're already seeing, the same thing applies (though to a lesser extent). It's fine to go a little while without hanging out sometimes, but make sure the next date is always in motion.

A young man on phone phone trying to quickly set up a date with a girl.

3. Be Willing to Temporarily Ghost Her

Being able to ghost someone (temporarily or not) is the best way to reduce any hint of desperation. That doesn't mean you should always do it though, as she should know you're still interested in her.

When done correctly, it reinforces that you're a guy who can't be taken advantage of

It's a Chad move, and it shows you don't mess around.

When to do it and for how long depends on the situation you're in. It's a tool of disapproval; used when being direct won't cut it. Typically, it'll be after a girl flakes (especially more than once). 

Once you have a lot of dating experience, it will become natural. You won't strategically ghost them; you just do so because they're not worth your time.

Tons of women out there would love to spend time with you. You should go out and find them instead of focusing on ones that aren't serious.

4. Make it Seem Like You Have a Busy Life

You want to seem like a guy who has things going on. You're not some needy dude only focusing on Xbox and one girl.

She's secondary, and she should believe it

This is true for anyone, including her. You should have a life with friends, goals, and work that takes your attention.

She should know you're a fun guy who has a life outside of her. Even better, she'll realize any attempt at soft ghosting won't likely be very effective.

Hopefully, you actually do have an active life. If not, it's something you should be working on (especially in your early 20s). 

It doesn't have to be about parties, road trips, or other outings with friends. Even telling her about a family trip you're taking soon can help. 

If you like a girl and want to date her, your family does hold some relevance (to her). Having a family that does stuff together adds credibility to being boyfriend material. It will also just add to the list of stuff going on in your life.

Illustration of guys hanging out at a beach drinking.

5. Make it Seem Like You Have Other Options

She won't think you're being needy if she believes other girls are interested in you.

Once you're experienced, she should get that vibe from you as soon as you meet. You're a guy that's been with a decent amount of women, and the confidence from it shines through.

But, if you're reading this... you're probably not at that point yet.

Ultimately, the best way to not seem desperate is to actually have options. This means going out and talking to as many women as possible. You can do this through dating apps, social circle, cold approach, etc.

If the girl you're texting is from work or school, try to be more sociable around them. Talk to other girls, even as just friends. Get to know others in your class or at your job.

Talk to other guys, too. It could widen your social circle for girls you'll be introduced to. You don't have to be the most popular person around, but someone people like and find easy to chat with.

6. Keep the Conversation Light

Someone chill and laid-back isn't going to reek of desperation.

Most of your texts should be fun or flirty

You're an easy-going guy, and she's welcome to come along for the ride. She should know you won't get upset if things don't work out.

You're chill, but you still don't put up with games or being friend-zoned.

It's a bit of a balance, but you'll get it right over time. You'll probably come across their mind at some point in the future. If things end on a good note, they may reach out to you again.

Texting with Outcome Independence

Try not to overanalyze everything a girl says for the perfect response. Remember, these are guidelines and not strict rules.

Otherwise, it's PUA behavior.

It's bad enough when guys do it over text, but it can happen in person too. They put so much weight on how they "should" respond instead of just being in the moment (with her). 

Women will pick up on this.

You won't show any personality or character around her when trying to calculate every word she says.

It's cliche, but being yourself is essential. Otherwise, it's challenging to become comfortable around women (which reduces confidence). In worst cases, it can even result in performance issues in bed.


  1. Follow the Rules of Basic Texting 101.

  2. Set Up a Date Quickly.

  3. Be Willing to Temporarily Ghost Her.

  4. Make it Seem Like You Have a Busy Life.

  5. Make it Seem Like You Have Other Options.

  6. Keep the Conversation Light.

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