Developing feelings for a girl you once rejected is rough. It's like some cruel trick life is playing on you.
How can a rejection change everything? Why do you see her so differently after it's too late?
We'll get into exactly why it's happening and what you should do about it (whether or not you decide to pursue).
You can skip ahead using the table of contents below. However, I encourage you to read it all so you're better prepared if it happens again.
When guys fall for a girl they rejected, it's probably just a crush. Yes, these emotions can be strong. But odds are you don't love someone you just rejected mere weeks ago. At worse, you have a case of oneitis.
These new feelings can be from:
If you feel this way, she's probably among the first girls you've ever turned down. It's a new experience that brings new emotions. This can cause you to wonder if you've made the right decision.
You can ask her out (which we'll get to in a minute), but you should make sure that's what you actually want.
Let some time pass so these feelings have a chance to settle. Give it at least a few weeks. Even some "post-nut clarity" can help.
You'll have to accept the reasonable chance that she won't take you back. This could make you feel even worse.
This is because she knows you rejected her for a reason. It's unusual for someone to flip on a decision like that so quickly. So, there would likely be some hesitancy. She may even feel like you used her as a backup.
Your rejection sends the message that she doesn't mean much to you. She might believe there's little likelihood of any relationship ever developing.
Take some time to reflect on why you turned her down in the first place. Those reasons likely still exist and should be as relevant as before.
If you genuinely like her, you can still get her "back." Just make sure you're confident it's the right decision.
If it is, then do this cautiously but direct. Asking her on a date randomly out of the blue could otherwise confuse her.
Whether through text or in person, reach out to them and chat for a bit (over a few days is fine). Then, suggest hanging out soon.
It's best to bring up a specific date idea (like bowling or anything fun) then follow up with when to do it. This way your exact intentions are made clear.
Don't say anything too broad like "we should chill soon." She may otherwise agree because it doesn't require an actual commitment.
Try not to be too dependent on the outcome.
You may have hurt her, and she could do the same to you. At the very least, she may not feel as eager to see you so quickly.
However it goes down- just be light, fun, and open with her. Send a clear sign that you're interested, but be willing to give her some space if needed.
If she asks why the change of heart, tell her the truth (how she's been on your mind lately). If that's too hard, say you were too busy before. Maybe mention how you didn't time to commit to anyone.
In most cases, guys don't feel a whole lot.
The biggest reason comes down to how guys usually reject women.
Most of the time, their rejections are rather subtle. This is because women are generally much better at "taking the hint" and moving on. He isn't engaged in conversations or putting in any effort. So, she picks up on it before ever asking him out.
Still, a lot of new emotions can come from rejecting a girl who asked you out. This is especially true for those who haven't dated much.
This type of attention can be exciting. It's fun being a guy girls are after.
But it's also easier to hurt them.
This is why it's important to not to sympathize too much. If you feel sorry and keep talking to her, she could interpret it as interest. Rip off the bandaid for her sake (and yours).
If a girl disappears after you reject her, it's because she doesn't want to be in your friendzone.
She's doing the exact thing any guy should do when turned down by someone. Instead of being your orbiter or some potential backup plan, she moves on. You've made your intentions obvious, and she doesn't want to "just be friends." It's just too difficult for her to be around you in that way.
Try not to take it personally; you'll likely end up in a similar position at one point (if you haven't already).
Rejecting someone out of fear isn't uncommon. Both women and men do it sometimes. This can be from insecurity or even just nervousness.
Going out with someone on a first date can be quite intimidating.
In this instance, you should reach out and set up a date.
Rejecting someone out of fear reflects a lack of experience. It should be your number one priority to improve. Even if she's a bit reluctant, it's worth it purely for the practice.
Yes, things may not work out, but you'll always learn something from any "failures.". It's vital and why early dating failures are worth celebrating.
You'll have to do it eventually anyway, so why not now?
You should realize these feelings are normal (especially if you're young and inexperienced).
Yet, it does carry some responsibility.
In my early 20s, I started heavily getting into online dating. I remember a handful of girls younger than me that were clearly inexperienced.
Had I met them a few years prior, I would have likely dated them. But at that time, I wanted something much more casual. These girls were young and impressionable; having never been with anyone (more info in Dating a Virgin in Her 20s (what's it like?)).
It was new and refreshing to actually be chased for once.
But, I came to realize how one wrong move could result in leading these women on. I've been in that position before, and it sucks. What's the point in continuing the cycle?
I cut things off early with them. After that point, I've become more selective with the girls I date. It's a luxury only afforded by improving your appearance and experience level.
If you've been ramping up your dating life, this will likely happen to you. It's kind of a milestone when you find yourself having "the power" in relationships (even if you didn't intend on it).
So, keep in mind how this girl you rejected could fall into this category. Although she originally asked you out, it's still ideal to make sure you actually want to commit to her.
Otherwise, your feelings will fade and she'll end up getting hurt by you twice.