Is Cold Approach Dead in 2023?

April 30, 2023

With how many things have changed in the last decade, it's easy to understand why anyone would think cold approaching is no longer relevant or even safe to do. Furthermore, with the pickup industry fading (which is largely a good thing), it may just seem out of touch or even dated.

Cold approach is not dead and is still a great way to meet women, despite the popularity of it decreasing. If you think it's not acceptable- you likely view or do it in a way that you shouldn't. No one should see it as wrong as long as you're quick, polite and look good.

Is Cold Approach Dead?

If you are cold approaching in a way that you think may not be acceptable now, it probably wasn't acceptable back then, either.

Cold approach does work and is still worth doing, but you must ensure you do it correctly.

There are 3 essential rules that you should always follow when cold approaching. These three things impact your success with your approaches and how the act is viewed.

1) Make sure you look good

If you're some greasy-looking dude with poor grooming and old raggedy old clothes, no one will think it's something you should be doing.

The cold hard fact is that your looks are critical to your success with cold approaching.

I can confidently say that most men can drastically improve their appearance with just a few relatively quick changes. The problem isn't that they can't, but rather they don't know how.

I've touched on some of these changes in How to Look Your Best Everyday, but I'll expand on them soon. If you need help with things like clothing style, it's not a bad idea to ask a friend for help (if they're well put together). It's even better if they're a girl and attractive.

For some, you must realize that more significant changes are needed first. This may mean gaining or losing some pounds in the gym. Even if you don't think you "need" to, you should already be working out if you never have.

Other longer-term changes may include dealing with teeth, skincare, or hair loss.

2) Make your approaches quick

Being cold-approached can certainly throw them off a bit, as it's not something that happens often.

While that's good for us regarding how little competition it may mean, it will still be unexpected for her.

The approach should be super quick. You can read their body language for signs she's interested when you're experienced enough, but even that's not always telling.

Many women will just be polite themselves and go along with the conversation (even if they're not interested and want to be left alone). That's why you just want to quickly approach, mention you think they're cool/attractive and wanted to say hi, then bounce or ask for a number if it's going well enough. 

The girl I've dated now for years was from an approach that lasted under a minute. In most cases, it's best to keep it to 3 minutes or less.

You can also check out my Best Cold Approach Openers for what to expect regarding what to say and how a typical approach should go down from beginning to end.

3) Be genuine

Being genuine about your approaches can make a huge difference in how you come off.

Will she tell her friends some nice cute guy said hi to her at the store? 


That some creep came up and aggressively hit on her?

Cold approach will always feel unnatural when starting out. Your approach anxiety will try to convince you this is wrong and that you shouldn't do it.

You can combat this by having some sincerity about it, being polite/quick, and knowing it's not wrong and is even something they want (more about that in a minute).

Is There Any Difference in How You Should Approach in 2023?

The core ideas or principles of what you should or shouldn't do remain unchanged.

If anything, it's more important to avoid certain mistakes, like being aggressive with it.

For instance, make sure you don't flirt heavily or touch.

Some flirting can be okay, but that's not something that's going to be relevant for a lot of guys. If you're riddled with approach anxiety, it may not be easily done anyway.

At the very least, flirt with them if they initiate it. You can be a bit playful or tease them if they do it first, but still try to keep the whole interaction on the shorter side.

You'll get better at all aspects of it over time.

a college cold approach

Women Want to Be Approached

Of course, not all of them want to be approached, for obvious reasons due to circumstances of being in a relationship or whatever.

But assuming you follow the 3 rules to look good and make sincere but quick approaches- most will either not mind you talking to them or be glad you did.

Remember that going out and doing a dozen or so approaches is about eliminating approach anxiety. The end goal is to be able to approach any girl at any time when the opportunity presents itself. After you develop this skill, you'll realize the opportunity is presented a lot.

If you fully take advantage of what it offers, there's a reasonably high chance you'll meet your future wife through it.

Don't you think she'll be glad you cold approached her?

Cold Approach Is Alive and Well

Cold approaching is certainly less popular now. 

For a little while, it was dead due to pandemic needs of social distancing and just being unable to see what someone looks like under a mask.

Even though it's less popular (we've fortunately passed the huge wave of youtubers staging approaches for clicks), it's still a viable and extremely valuable skill to have.

You'll stand out as the one guy who still has the balls to go after what he wants.

Related Questions:

Are there any places that I should no longer approach at?

When you're dating with approach anxiety, you'll want to go somewhere like a college or mall that has a lot of people (so you can make a lot of approaches). There's really no difference from before. Use common sense, and don't bother anyone who's clearly preoccupied.

One place that is often asked about that I don't recommend is approaching at the gym. It doesn't really make sense and I doubt they would want to be approached. If there is someone you like, it's better to just be friendly and gradually get to know them over time instead.

Is rejection from cold approaching more common today?

While I can't provide any hard, irrefutable proof, I can't imagine there is any reason why there would be any noticeable difference. While cold approaching got relatively popular a half-decade ago, and she may realize what you're doing, it shouldn't matter or happen frequently anyway. If she's single, likes you and the quick impression you made- that should always be enough to get her number.

Check out 6 Crucial Steps for Dealing with Cold Approach Rejections if you're having trouble getting over the necessary large amounts of them.

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