"Is it Okay That I Dumped My Girlfriend Because of Her Past?"

12/30/23

First off, it's your standards. You have every right to make that call. You're not necessarily "in the wrong" to do it.

Personally, I've come to care a lot less about a woman's past as I've dated more and more. 

But I would be lying to say it's meaningless.

Most guys would also be lying if they said they didn't care about their girlfriend's past. They may not care about a specific girl's history, but it doesn't mean there's no line in the sand:

What if she had a triple-digit body count? 

What if she let a dozen guys run a train on her at once?

You can't help having it impact how you view her to (at least) some degree.

Of course, it's a two-way street. Women have every right to make similar judgments about men.

Dumping Your Girlfriend Because of Her Past

There are likely a lot of emotions you're having to unpack:

  • Feelings that made you like her in the first place.
  • Your reaction that made you feel sick from her past.
  • Possible guilt or uncertainty for dumping her.

I'm sure you haven't stopped picturing it since the moment you found out. Whatever she did or with however many guys ends up constantly being in your head.

You can't shake it. Whether or not you should break up, you feel you have to because you no longer see her the same way.

Sound familiar?

Based on those feelings, it's reasonable for anyone to make that decision. In the world we live in, we're conditioned to believe we should want to date someone "pure." We easily perceive a woman like this as someone's "leftovers."

But is there a better take?

Photo representing a young woman surrounded by men.

Improving your perspective

Women love sex. If it wasn't for the stigma, the average body count for a woman would be a lot higher (which would benefit men willing to make a move).

Dating a good girl that only gets turned on by the thought of you won't happen. She's got her own spank-bank and visits naughty sites to get off. 

So, you first have to accept that they all want the D (a lot of it)

They're literally wired this way to reproduce, just like men. 

The second part is just recognizing what's fair. Your reaction to a past like hers may be common, but that doesn't mean she did anything wrong. 

If hooking up with anyone was as easy as it is for women, many of us would have triple-digit body counts. Is whatever she did that bad in comparison?

You may logically agree with this, but it doesn't change how you feel...

Fortunately, thinking about it enough does lower its impact. With enough time, it becomes easier to accept. You'll become desensitized to it.

Here's something to reflect on:

As you're reading this, try to detach yourself from the moment. Picture who you want to be 10+ years from now. Think about a man that's worth striving for. 

Basically, picture a version of you that's become a Chad.

You have a balanced, happy life where you can achieve any goals you set. You're a genuinely good person who wants the best in others. Your life is guided by your core values.

Would a Chad hold a woman's past against her?

Of course not.

It doesn't mean her past is meaningless. It just doesn't identify who she is today.

Let's say a gorgeous woman fell madly in love with you. She's literally perfect from top to bottom. Yet, you find out that she had a sleazy year in college. Would you still dump her?

I doubt most would, which proves it's not technically a deal-breaker. 

It just comes down to whether her past outweighs how much you like her. Maybe you don't buy into BSBs: "As Long as You Love Me."

Judging a Woman on Her Past

Ultimately, a woman's past does matter (just like it does for men). Societal expectations aren't fair, but it's hard to just ignore them.

What's important is to accurately assess the significance of it:

  • Is what she did that bad? 
  • Can you ever see past it (at least one day)?

It's understandably a tough pill to swallow. 

If you made your decision, know that you don't deserve to feel guilty about it.

You didn't choose to be built this way. The world has reinforced these views.


My own perspective on this has changed a fair bit over time.

I'd be lying if I said a woman's past has no impact on how I view her today. It just doesn't hold nearly as much weight as it used to. I'm confident most men experience a similar trend as they age.

Most relationships end, and around 45% of all marriages failThere's a strong chance you won't meet the woman you end up with until much later in life.

This means they'll have years to rack up a higher body count anyway.

So, if her number of past partners is bothersome, it probably isn't much higher than the person you end up with. 

In the end, you must do what you feel is right.

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