Oneitis the obsessive, worrying and insecure emotion a guy feels towards a particular woman.
Despite lacking the dating experience with dating to know better, he believes she is "The One."
He develops strong feelings for a girl because he's not able to tell if she's truly unique or special. What may otherwise me a small crush gets ramped up into oneitis.
It's not just for new girls either.
You may be dating someone and become this attached, too. You may question if you may quesiton whether you'll ever get a girl like her again.
Here's what can make it even worse:
- Dry spells
- Being single for a long time
- Wanting validation
- Being emotionally unstable
You may not realize that you have oneitis until the thought of her leaving surfaces...
"How Do I know if I Have Oneitis?"
First off, crushes can be okay. The difference with oneitis is it can start when you don’t even know the girl.
Some guys end up feeling way with every girl they date.
They convince themselves that every new girl is a one-of-a-kind. They start envisioning a future together, which only makes things worse.
Most of the time it’s happens within the first few months of dating, but it can even start with just some friend you’ve become infatuated with.
This isn't unusual if you're young and never dated before.
“The first cut’s the deepest.”
This is only solved with experience.
You need to prove to your brain that those emotions don't make sense. To do that, you need to meet a lot more women.
Once you see that there are so many other amazing girls out there (who are interested in you), you won't get so hung up on one.
If you're massively dependent on her for your happiness (and have trouble thinking about other things), you probably have oneitis.
Signs That You May Have Oneitis
- Wanting to be with her 24/7
- Contacting her too much / Always focused on your phone
- You find almost every girl attractive
- Over thinking or analyzing what she says
- Fantasizing long term future with her
- Wanting to always know where she is
- Controlling
- Significantly caring about her past sex life
- Setting rules when you're not even committed yet
Getting Over Oneitis
You need to prove to yourself 100% that you’re able to meet new women fairly quickly and easily.
Meaning if you were dumped tomorrow, you can set up a new date within a month, preferably sooner.
Start taking advantage of online dating if you're not already.
You should often ask yourself if you’re dependent on any girl for anything (and how easily you can replace that need).
Be aware of these negative emotions.
You can’t fix what you don’t know. Your initial reaction will be that she's just that amazing.
To take control of your emotions, you should:
- Continually update and improve your sex appeal at all times
- Always look for different ways to improve yourself
- Increase your standards and find more quality women
- View your personal life with women as constant progress
- Have goals and things in life outside of women
- Accept and learn from breakups. Be capable of moving on.
An end to any relationship can suck, but how much it sucks can really varies on how you deal with it, and you’re lifestyle. Your reaction could be:
“Oh well that sucks, but I'll get over it”
Or
“That’s okay; I’m excited to meet more women”
Instead of the usual…
“Oh no this is going to affect my mood drastically for the next weeks or months”
Or
“I’m not going to find another like her”.
(I’m not saying blocking out love or anything like that, either).
It’s definitely possible you could date a lot of these girls long term, but the issues are becoming emotionally invested quickly before spending significant time with her. Be aware of these unhealthy romantic obsessions and control them from controlling you.
When the Oneitis is from a Relationship
Similarly, oneitis from a relationship is solved with experience.
However, you should recognize the different dynamic between the two.
Relationship oneitis can complicate things. Not only are you afraid of her leaving you, but you may depend on her for things you want to maintain.
This includes sex, emotional support, and your social circle. If you two break up, your group of friends could shrink considerably.
You see controlling behavior here the most (like not letting your girlfriend go to the club).
Why Does This Feeling Exist?
It's our caveman brains.
When you don't know any better, your brain assumes this new and exciting thing must be love.
You're wired to reproduce. Your brain floods your body with all those feel-good emotions that builds attachment. This causes you to get hooked on her and unable to thing logically from how strongly you feel.
It was one of the most powerful things I experienced when I was around 19 years old. I fell very hard for a girl, even though it didn't make much sense (from a compatibility point-of-view).
I came out of it a better man, though.
So can you.
The truth is a lot of guys build this obsessive, worrying emotion with every new girl in their life. It never really goes away from them since they lack any hint of an abundance mentality.
When you inevitably get through this (which you 100% will), you'll think back to how silly it was. If there ends up being any regrets, it will surely be from acting clingy/needy. The good thing is there are lessons to learn if you're open to them.
Take these brutal feelings and use them as motivation to build a better foundation for tomorrow.
Hit the gym. Get ripped. Increase your body count. Become a man that women get oneitis towards.