Slow Texting After First Date: What Does it Mean?


You went on a date, and everything seemed to go well enough. You continue texting them but notice they take awhile to respond back. 

What does it mean? 

Did something go wrong?

As a general rule, slow texting reflects a lack of interest

They're cutting contact with you since they believe you don't fit well together. However, there can be legitimate reasons for their slow texts. 

Read on if you think this applies to someone you're seeing. We'll go over what you can do about it and how to easily detect if they still like you.

Why They're Slow Texting After the First Date

It's not necessarily a bad sign if they're texting slowly after the first date. The fact that they're still texting at all is good (since most will just ghost you if they're not interested). For all you know, they could be texting less less because they've just been busy. 

In other cases, it can be from them not knowing if you actually like them.

However, you should recognize that everyone has some level of "game" when they text.

For some, this just means matching response times and not double texting. For others, they may try to hold power over you. They typically do this by trying to make you chase them.

This could be what's happening.

Unfortunately, most of the time they're just "soft ghosting" you instead. Essentially, they're dragging you along without actually cutting contact. It's worse than regular ghosting since you're still holding out hope.

Is it normal for texting to slow down after the first date?

While there are some exceptions, it's not normal for texting to slow after the first date. Most people will continue texting as much (if not more) if they're still interested in you.

If you think this may be the case, you should try to get an answer as soon as possible.

It could be that they haven't made up their mind about you yet. Either way, there's no point in getting left in limbo forever.

How to find out if they're still interested in you

You'll want to wait at least a week before trying to see if they still like you. There could always have been something that's preoccupied their mind as of late.

You can find out if they're still interested in you by suggesting another date

The ball will now be in their court.

This should be enough to get a definitive answer. If they struggle to commit, keep pushing for a date or time. It could be that they don't want to lose you but still like you in their friend zone.

If they turn the date down, you should start reducing contact.

If they're not taking you seriously, why should you bother messaging them?

If they still text you, lengthen your response times and send one or two-word answers. You'll want to not completely cut off contact in case there is a legitimate reason why they're being short with you. 

If they are trying to play games with you, it will force their hand.

Move on if you're not hanging out with them in the next week or two.

a photo of a girl staring at her phone.

Why They're Not Texting You as Much

There can be many reasons as to why they're not texting you much. Here are the most common ones:

  • They're not 100% certain about you yet.
  • They don't like you and are slowly cutting contact.
  • They have other priorities taking up their attention.
  • They are trying to play games with you.
  • They're putting you on a back burner.
  • They've assumed you're not interested.

Them not liking you anymore is most common. It's what you should be prepared for.

That last point can happen surprisingly often, though. Since everyone plays games to some degree, it can be easy to read too much into messages and think there may be something wrong.

It's why cutting to the chase and setting up the next date is so important. You'll get an answer that puts you at ease or tells you to move on. There is no point in wasting time.

Check out When Should You Stop Texting a Girl? if you think it might be time to move on.

Woman on the street texting.

Texting After First Date But No Plans (Is it Bad?)

Generally, they will want to set up plans if they're still texting you.

It only becomes a problem if they continually shut down your ideas for a second date (or never bring up any themselves).

Remember that there are no hard and fast rules with dating. It's emotionally draining to try and read into every situation for some deeper meaning.

Try to look your best and enjoy your time on dates (and your time texting them). Try to set up a subsequent date after a few days or so, but don't cling to hope with any one person.

Conversation Died After First Date: What Now?

If the conversation soon dies after the first date, you should just move on.

There's not much else to it.

If they're interested in you, they'll message you back. Otherwise, you'll only hurt your chances if you're double texting and being needy.

Try not to get hung up on rejection. Dates can fail for a lot of reasons (many of which are out of your control). Try to view yourself objectively for things you could improve on (both about yourself and on the date).

It's a very healthy mindset to be able to take away something constructive from "failures."

It's a valuable skill to apply to any aspect of life, too. So just try to brush them off and move on. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll find someone even better.

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