Stop Texting Her Tactic: Does it Work at All?

August 31st, 2023 

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Some guys like to use dating tactics like cutting off contact with a girl over text. It's very commonly done, but does it actually work?

The "stop texting her tactic" does work. Withholding contact with a girl sends a message that you could be losing interest. If she's being flaky or wasting your time, it can effectively balance the power dynamic. This shows you're not willing to chase her.

However, getting too deep into the dating tactic/strategy territory can be risky. It's a slippery slope where losing sight of the big picture will lead you down the misleading PUA path.

We'll go over when you should stop texting her and how long you should do it for.

Stop Texting Her as a Dating Tactic

Stopping texts with a girl you're talking to is an effective means to get a point across.

It's more of a normal reaction than anything else. It makes sense to lose interest in someone not respecting your time. Any useful "tactics" like these are usually natural things men and women do anyway.

It's not something you should always do, though. It's typically best as a brief break. Exactly how long depends on how frequently you message her. 

Sometimes, this could mean a day. Other times, it may mean a week. In most cases, she'll reach out to you before it gets too long (assuming she ever initiates texts)

Try to not overthink it

You don't have to stop all texting, either. You can accomplish the same thing by taking more time to respond to her. Either way, contact should be reduced to the point for her to actually notice.

Just don't go overboard with it, as she could assume you're genuinely losing interest in her.

Now if the girl didn't do anything wrong, then there's not as much point in doing it. This is about showing you're not anything less than equals. It's not effective for getting her to miss you.

You should otherwise just let things naturally develop. If she likes you, then spend more time in person with her. She'll miss you when you're not together.

An illustration of a girl texting a boy.

The Power Dynamic of Not Contacting Her

In most relationships, one person has more power than the other. 

The exact power dynamic is not always obvious, though. You can usuall tell from guessing whoever's more likely to break up.

For those not dating yet, it means one person is chasing the other. Often times it's rather subtle, but there's still one person with more control.

Of course, this can be unhealthy if taken too seriously

It's best for both of you if the dynamic is equal. You don't want to manipulate or send mixed messages or anything. Have some emotional maturity with this sort of thing.

Otherwise, ask yourself this from time to time. When you're starting to see someone new, keep aware of where you fit in. 

Nobody should be calling all of the shots. At least if someone is being chased, it shouldn't be you.

Is Texting a Girl Too Much a Turn Off?

Texting a girl too much can certainly be a turn-off. 

What's most important is whether it's reciprocal or not.

If you're hitting it off and things are going well, it would be illogical to withhold contact. You should keep messaging her when you want to (within reason).

I mean, hopefully you still have a life outside her. Your time should be preoccupied with things other than her. Just don't believe there's some magic amount of texts per day that you should send.

At the very least, match the same engagement level that she has with you.

If you struggle with this sort of stuff, check out:

An illustration of a woman texting a guy.

How Do I Refrain from Texting Her?

If you don't have much dating experience, it may feel like she's on your mind 24/7.

The short hard truth: man up and build a life that's more exciting than just her.

Other things that can help:

  • Get new girls in your life. Start using online dating, cold approach, etc.
  • Don't text out of anxiety. Take a second before hitting send. Your decisions shouldn't be fueled by your emotions.
  • Text for a reason. Don't always text fluff and seem desperate. Have more purpose when messaging (like to set up a date).
  • Don't overanalyze. Don't try to assume every text she sends has some ulterior meaning (or that a delay is always bad).
An illustration of a blonde woman texting a guy she likes.

What She Thinks When You Stop Contacting Her

If you do it right, she'll be no different than you in the same situation.

She'll start to wonder if you've genuinely been busy or if she did something wrong. She could also think you're losing interest, aren't that serious, or have maybe found someone else.

She may also pick up on how you're doing this intentionally. It's not like playing hard to get is anything new.

Her mind can bounce around to different possibilities, just like yours.

This is naturally assuming she even likes you that much.

If she does, whatever you're worrying about will probably work itself out anyway. It's another reason to not go overboard with this sort of thing.

Holding Back Your Messages

Use the "stop texting tactic" on any girl who's being distant and not giving you the time of day.

There are plenty of women out there who are better investments of your time.

If she genuinely likes you, then use this tactic sparingly. You should be direct more often than not (even if she doesn't do the same).

Recognize that sometimes you'll just need a break from her.

This doesn't just mean having fun things going or spending time with friends. If you have oneitis for this girl, your obsession will make things unhealthy with her. 

Creating some distance can help give you a breather and put things in a better perspective.

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