Why Are Guys Players? The Truth of Why We're Built This Way

12/14/23

Let's begin by clarifying that this is about playing women for the sake of hooking up.

It's not purely about those who get a ton of action in the sack. Guys can get laid a lot without misleading anyone.

So... why are guys players?

There are a few crucial reasons to know, but we'll start with the cultural impact...

Reasons Why Guys Are Players

First, men have constantly been shown from an early age that it's cool as hell to be a womanizer. 

One of the earlier examples in media is James Bond in 007

While he's not exactly a player, he's suave and has a ton of sex with attractive, younger women.

What man wouldn't idolize him?

There are also media fixations on celebrities (like Leonardo Dicaprio), which further promote this behavior.

"But it's inevitable because men are wired to want a lot of sex."

100% true, but it's further evolved from that. In more recent examples, it's actually cool to be a player.

Think of how many guys that "get the girl" are portrayed as jerks and bad boys...

Charlie Harper and Don Draper come to mind. 

So it's cool to hook up a ton. Yet, if you want to do that, finding women who want the same is challenging.

You need confidence, experience, and the ability to play the numbers. 

Most men can't do that. 

So, it's easier to beat around the bush with her if he wants a high body count.

"Buy Her Flowers and Gifts So She'll Put Out!"

This is horrible advice that may have been closer to the truth in the 1950's. Unfortunately, you still see some of it today.

They believe that dating is transactional

At the same time, a woman who sleeps around a lot is still "slutty." So, some guys hold the belief that casual hookups are much more rare.

How does this relate to being a player?

Well, partly from the confusing messaging, men are subject to a lot of rejection

It's brutal yet inevitable if you want to get "good" with women. 

So, some will roll with the volatility and keep their eye on the prize. They can't separate the harshness of dating from the individual. It's like repercussion.

A chart showing how most couple meet in the USA.

Dating Apps Pushing Toxic Views

I'm a huge fan of dating apps. It's one of the best ways to gain valuable experience.

However, it reinforces the idea that guys need to "chase women."

It's literally how the apps work. Along with having great pictures, you need to hit the numbers hard to succeed. 

It's very competitive.

So again, this inevitably adds more rejection that men will face. As you can tell in the chart above, dating app usage has exploded. 

It's now how most couples meet.

It's easier to be a player when you don't see the impact of your actions. Same for women, too. It creates a further disconnect (which can get pretty lonely).

Everything then becomes more mechanical and calculated

The same goes for texting as well.

A player on a couch smoking.

That's not all...

Along with the main reasons above, there may be a bit more to it:

  • The fact that it actually works
  • It helps guys avoid a scarcity mindset
  • It helps boost their ego
  • The peer pressure from friends
  • Overall social expectations

What Makes a Man Stop Being a Player?

A big part of it can be the lack of necessity.

You can be a nice guy and get the girl.

So when a guy gets good enough with women, he doesn't need to play them.

Age likely plays a factor as well. Some evidence shows men mature slower than women, so it may take time to "grow out of."

While being a father has little relevance to being a player, it seems to cause an internal shift for many men. I'm certain single dads are less likely to act this way.

Casanova Causes

This post isn't to bash men or women.

Most of the behavior from one side is due to a reaction of the other. It's a chicken or egg problem, and I couldn't care less to discuss who's at fault (nor am I qualified to).

It's also not constructive, which misses the point of this site.

If you like to engage with that dialogue, the /r/PurplePillDebate subreddit provides a more nuanced and balanced take.

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