"Why Cant I Talk to Girls?" Breaking Mental Blocks
I was reasonably attractive in my early 20s, yet I really struggled to talk to girls.
I would freeze up anytime I tried. It made me feel like absolute crap. I was useless and even incapable of muttering a simple "hello."
So why was this the case, and how did I fix it?
Well first, I had a lot of anxiety, self-esteem issues, and a speech impediment that stemmed from childhood.
So, I was starting at a baseline below many others.
But essentially, I strategically built momentum.
It's what I suggest you do, too.
I started by steadily exposing myself to situations that I'm not used to. It could be any interaction with women (or men).
Reducing your general social anxiety is important.
From there, it was about getting as much experience as possible through online dating. If you truly understand how these apps work, you can set up a ton of dates.
And lastly, once I had enough experience, I started approach anxiety programs to help ease me into cold approaches.
We'll go over exactly how you can apply the same techniques.
It's Your Responsibility, But Not Your Fault
First thing is first.
You need to forgive yourself.
Your brain is wired in a way that makes talking to girls extremely challenging.
Social media has undoubtedly propagated the difficulty of talking to women.
Those approach-type videos are almost always fake, too.
(Or they can only approach for the camera).
Very, very few guys have eliminated approach anxiety. It can only be fixed if you take direct action to reduce it.
There is nothing wrong with you. Don't fall into the trap of believing you're inherently doomed.
Socializing to Create Momentum
If you're on the younger side, you may feel like you don't yet have a strong personality.
That was the case for me.
If I didn't know someone, I acted stiff and cold around them. I was almost acting like I was in a constant interview or something.
I would either be super quiet or have some fake persona.
A big breakthrough for me was when I intentionally decided to always act like myself.
This is how I act with my friends, which is typically laid-back and a bit immature.
It's how you should always act, including at your job (while still being professional).
This is because when people get a read on you, they'll become more comfortable (and ease up themselves). They'll like you more, too.
A lot of people don't do this.
I think a man should fully be himself wherever he goes (regardless of what he's like).
Building your social skills
I'm heavily introverted. I struggle to care to interact with most people (unless you're family or have similar interests).
Since I typically don't enjoy going out and socializing, I don't do it often.
It's freeing when I realize I don't have to do what is expected of others.
However...
You should still develop the skill.
Interacting and connecting with others easily is vital to your development. You may even come to like it.
I previously talked about something similar in 'how to be a chad' about video games.
Essentially, you should do what you enjoy, but recognize that growth can impact both your wants and needs (for the better). This means you may drop gaming once you get out of the house and start getting laid.
Anyway...
Choosing the right job is one of the best ways to develop your character.
As discussed in my campus hook up guide, I worked many promotional jobs in my early 20s. They were great for my social anxiety and even getting some numbers.
Typing in "promo" or "promotion" on Craigslist (or Facebook Marketplace) should be the best way to find gigs.
Another great option is being a background actor.
It can be long hours, but you spend 95% of that time hanging out with others (literally sitting around a table chatting and eating free food).
If studios film in your area, reach out to some talent agencies. You'll need some headshots done, but it's pretty easy to do.
Below is a surprisingly well-lit shot of me on some series, showing off my A+ level clapping skills.
Anyone know what show this was? I have no idea...
Using Dating Apps for Exposure
Any experience or exposure is invaluable.
When you're young, there are so many dating "firsts" that you need to do or overcome.
There are new emotions to manage, your first dates to set up, your first kiss or escalation, etc.
The sooner you can get through these, the better.
This means prioritizing experience.
Dating apps give you this opportunity.
It doesn't mean you have to lower your standards super low. Just make sure that you actually meet girls through it.
Screw what your buddies think if the girl you're seeing isn't a dime. It's better than not taking any action. You'll be closer to meeting 8s/9s/10s in the future since you're actually talking to girls now.
Get great pictures and hit the numbers hard
That's all it comes down to.
For pictures, have ideally a few that show you in a sociable environment (like with friends). The main thing is that you look good in them. Some selfies are okay, too.
For playing the numbers, you should use 2 or 3 different apps. Download whichever ones are most popular where you live.
Keep messages short, simple, and genuine. You don't need to be flirty as that will screen them.
While I can't help everyone, message me if you have any questions or need advice on the setup. I should eventually get a response out to most of you.
When Your Mindset Changes...
Let's say you take a version of me that couldn't talk to girls and put him beside myself now.
What would be the difference?
Well, you wouldn't notice anything obvious.
But there is one key distinction...
I stopped caring so much.
That's how you know you've "made it" in your dating life.
So, how do you get to that point?
You prove to yourself that what you're doing works.
I used to get nervous with a lot of stuff. Even appointments with the doctor or anything new would get my heart pumping hard.
Yet, with enough repetition and consistency, I proved to my brain that the fears were illogical.
I still can get nervous with a lot of stuff.
But these anxious feelings get wrecked when you combine repetition and exposure with success.
You become numb to cold approach rejections because the wins are so exciting. You just need to put yourself out there enough to have proof that women actually want you.
