"Why Do I Like This Girl So Much?" (what it *really* means)
So a new girl is in your life and you've become overly infatuated with her.
Here's the short version of why it's happening...
You like this girl so much because you lack experience. This causes the newness and excitement to be very powerful.
Maybe attractive women don't show their interest in you that often.
This causes your mind to obsess and envision a future together.
You can't stop thinking about her, and it becomes rather distracting.
Sound familiar?
Sometimes it can even be a random girl you've never talked to. She's in your mind and you can't get her out.
I've been there. Here's how you regain some mental stability...
Why You Can't Stop Thinking About Her
The first you need to understand is...
She's not actually that special.
I assume you don't actively go up and talk to new girls. This is why the thoughts of her seem to consume you.
Any girl showing interest is a rare occurrence.
Even if she's unaware of you, it's still caused by a lack of experience.
Your mentality is one of scarcity (and not abundance).
You don't know your worth.
You don't realize your capacity for attracting girls like her.
"But what if I'm in love with her?"
It's a crush, bro. Trust me. It can be equally powerful, if not more so.
Maybe she's "your type," but you don't know her very well. How can you love someone you don't know?
She isn't your Great White Buffalo.
Before we get into exactly what to do about it, here are other reasons that make it worse:
- Long dry spells
- Low self-esteem
- Being single for a long time
- Wanting validation
- Having few or no female friends
- Being emotionally unstable
What to Do About These Thoughts and Feelings
First off, try to find comfort in the numbers.
There will be many more girls like her (even if you don't try to meet them).
This is true whether she's a random or someone you're currently seeing.
Secondly, understand the value of letting time pass.
These emotions are from your caveman brain trying to get you hooked on a girl for the means of reproducing. You're biologically wired and driven to be entranced by some women.
It's incredibly powerful, but it doesn't last that long.
Your body and mind are telling you to GO GO GO!
The feelings, fortunately, become muted as you let time pass.
And finally, you need to get others like her.
Prove to yourself that you're capable of attracting other girls like her.
This is the most difficult part but also the most rewarding.
The first part is doing everything today to max out your appearance. Make sure you look your absolute best.
This means the right hairstyle, frequent haircuts, sleek style, wearing clothes that properly fit, etc.
The next step is to get great pictures and hit the dating apps hard.
Ideally, the pictures shouldn't all be mirror shots or selfies (but a few are fine). Your profile info can just be a few sentences about yourself and what you're looking for.
This is along the lines of what I've used in the past:
"I value my dog and family most of all. I run my own business but am pretty laid back 🙂 I'm not one who's super heavy into the nightlife and party scene, and am looking for the same.
Just hope to find someone genuine to enjoy spending my time with."
Once you add that, it's simply a numbers game.
Use more than one app and spend at least 30 minutes per day on swiping/messaging.
Don't spend so much time thinking up the best responses to each message, either. Be direct but genuine, and suggest hanging out after ~10 exchanges of messages.
When you reach this point, the first date guide helps break down exactly what to do next.
Should You Not Pursue This Girl?
You absolutely should.
You're thinking about her so much, so you should talk to her if you haven't already.
This is just about having a much healthier mindset towards new women.
You do that when you have the first-hand experience to prove that girls like her are actually common.
Otherwise, it will keep happening again.
Over and over.
This is called oneitis , and it's brutal. You're likely experiencing it already to some degree.
It can also happen while in relationships. This is where a guy becomes overly dependent on her (for similar reasons).
Here's a video below where I talk about getting over it.
