Why is Cold Approach So Hard? (how to make it easier)

June 20th, 2023 

Cold approach is hard. It's one of the toughest ways to meet girls, but also one of the most rewarding

There are many reasons why cold approach is too hard. Primarily, it's hard because of its stigma and uncomfortable nature. Most girls are not receptive to cold approach. In addition, attractiveness plays a significant factor in how difficult it can be.

In this article, we'll go over why it's as challenging as it is and how to eliminate these barriers to make your approaches much easier.

Dating Difficulty in Cold Approaching

  • Many guys only try to meet the best-looking girls.
  • Many guys aren't attractive enough.
  • It carries a negative social stigma.
  • Many girls you approach aren't single.
  • It requires you to approach a lot of girls.
  • You're conditioned to believe it's wrong.
  • Many don't use online dating to help with rejections
  • Approaching can be awkward and uncomfortable.

Many guys make two critical (and unfortunately common) mistakes when cold approaching. These two fatal errors can reduce your odds of getting a lay to zero.

The first is how they are only interested to approach girls way out of their league. There's nothing wrong with being a bit ambitious. It's indeed possible to pull girls who are more attractive than you. However, you need to be realistic

At the very least, try to work your way up when starting out. Once you really have start doing well approaching, it can helpful to push the limit (a bit) to find your ceiling for what to expect.

The second (closely related) is you need to look good. There is a baseline of attractiveness where if you're below it, cold-approach becomes exponentially more difficult. Objectively, you need to be at least a 7.

Nervousness and anxiety makes going up and talking to girls very hard. 

Even if you're very attractive and frequently get looks from girls, it can still be very challenging. AA overrides any logic, reason, or plans you may have to do something. 

The quiet thought in your head says, "go approach her." But the pumping adrenaline and subconscious fears scream "DON'T!"

You feel the reasons not to, which often makes internal mental reasoning futile.

Even though cold approach may seem daunting, it has massive potential if you can commit to getting good at it. Many girls don't like dating apps or dating through their social circle. They are waiting for you to approach, and there is little competition from anyone.

Does it Get Easier to Approach Girls?

Cold approach does become much less challenging over time. Usually just a couple months of regular approaches will help improve your confidence to make a noticable difference.

Today, I can approach 90% of the time without delay or a second thought. It can happen anywhere or anytime. Best of all, I can do it without having to psych myself up.

The other 10% is when, for whatever reason, I don't immediately go up and talk to her. Maybe I had a bad day or feel I really look like garbage which causes me to second guess myself.  If I were to "go approaching," it would definitely be at 100%.

It got much easier for me after I made my first 50 cold approaches (and the 3 lays I got from it).

How to make cold approach easier:

Cold approach gets easier with these two factors:

It can be surprising to believe, but cold approach can be very easy. You have to prove (to yourself) it isn't scary and that nothing will go horribly wrong. So, exposure is necessary and will help tremendously.

When you wake up with a cute girl on your bed that you met at the mall, you stop to care about it being so hard. The incentives are too strong.

However, you do need to check whether you should be cold approaching or not. This is about first having at least some experience with dating, and making sure you look good enough. So, you'll really want to have at least have some confidence to build on.

Getting rejected can be pretty hard on some guys. If you're new at this, it's tough not to take it personally. There will be a fair bit of self-doubt, so you must be prepared for it.

Over time, you'll be able to use situational openers more. If you're unaware, a situational opener is like a warm approach, except you don't know them. So, you start a conversation by bringin up something relevant to the situation you're in (like mentioning what she's looking at).

This approach type is most succesful, but they can be difficult (more so). It's bes tto start integrating them after your first 20 or so approaches. This is because otherwise you'll overthink it and and get stuck in your tracks.

If you need help- check out 6 Crucial Tips for Dealing with Cold Approach Rejection.

A man cold approaching at a house party.

Battling Approach Anxiety to Meet Women

Cold approach is awesome and a rather life-changing tool. Yet, it's solely a mental game. Yes there are prerequisites to looking good enough, but that's actually attainable for most. You don't have to be an expert in this.

If you're a decent-looking guy, nothing is stopping you from heading to the mall right now and getting a number from a legitimately attractive girl.

You could take action this instant and change your life forever.

How crazy is that?

We have all the power to make a virtually instantaneous positive change, yet practically no one does it.

This is the ultimate litmus test for those serious about getting good with women and dating. So it's a shortcut, but one nearly all men are too afraid to take.

a streeth cold approach.

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