What to Do if Your Girl is Talking to Another Guy


Seeing your girl talk to some dude can suck. It makes you feel strong negative emotions that struggle to ever leave your mind.

First thing: it's essential to not act on any feelings of jealousy from her talking to him. Properly assess if he's a concern by how often they speak and if they have any history. 

Questioning her intentions will make you look insecure and reduce the trust you have between you.

We'll get into exactly what to understand and do about your girl talking to him.

How to Act When She's Talking to Another Guy

Every man has felt jealous or insecure about something their partner did before. It's part of our caveman brain which can act pretty possessive.

Not only do these feelings provide little use to us, but they often destroy relationships.

Acting jealous and insecure is a massive turnoff for women.

You need to understand this, as making the wrong move can end up causing what you're trying to prevent.

  1. Accept that it's pretty common to feel this way.
  2. Know that intervening now will only backfire.
  3. Give it some time to assess if he's actually a concern

You should be someone who is independent and always has options. It's the end goal every guy should strive for. This means you know another hot chick will always be around the corner. You're not eternally reliant on her for your happiness.

Of course, that's easier said than done.

But it's precisely why you should fake it until you make it.

Give her space and remain looking unaffected by it. She doesn't need to know how you really feel.

Your actions will convey emotional maturity that she isn't used to. She'll 100% recognize it, and you'll come across as a better man.

You can't change what she's capable of

This girl isn't worth your time if she's willing to cheat on you.

She's basically raising a big red flag that says, "stay tf away from me." It doesn't make sense to try and prevent seeing the truth.

That doesn't mean you should wait for the chips to fall where they may. That would be emotional agony. It's about understanding that the cards have already been dealt. You're just finding out now if your hand is worth keeping.

She is her own woman.

So many guys act as if the other guy is entirely at fault. The woman plays an equal part and is just as much of a homewrecker as he is.

So, if your girl is interested in some guy, he's actually doing you a favor. You'll now know that she isn't worth your time.

An illustration of two people out together.

Make sure you have the right mindset

You now know what matters in terms of how you should act and how to view the situation. Yet, you'll still worry about this until you can put it to rest (one way or another).

Let's assume he's even after her. You should recognize the power dynamic between you both.

You're the one who gets to plow her. He just needlessly texts and hopes for an opening.

He probably pictures you jackhammering her every night- and it kills him inside.

Make sure not to lose context of how she picked you. The odds are strong that any one guy she texts isn't a threat. It's way more likely that you'll be overbearing and push her away.

Women don't typically know that most of their guy friends want to hook up.

She probably views texting some guy as entirely innocent and normal.

The Scientific American reviewed studies on the viability of opposite-sex friendships.

They concluded that women view these friendships on a purely platonic level. 

Men, on the other hand, are much more likely to be attracted to their female friends. So, men often choose friendship from believing they may one day have a shot with them.

In addition, men are more likely to believe their female friends are attracted to them.

It's then easier to understand why women can be so surprised that you're upset with it. It's another reason why you should hold off on being so reactive.

How to tell if this guy's a threat

Even if this guy likes your girl, it doesn't mean he's a threat to your relationship.

In most of these situations, he'll just text her for a bit and then stop. If he really ramps up the messaging, she'll eventually realize what's happening. It's likely she will then start to soft ghost him.

Regardless, waiting around can still be stressful. Let's assess whether this dude even has a chance.

Start by asking yourself these questions:

  • Have they been talking daily for weeks or just on and off?
  • Do they have any sort of history together?
  • Were they friends before you started seeing her?
  • Is she open about him or texting behind your back?
  • Is he some random or someone from her social circle?

The context here is important. It's easy to just react negatively. Given some time, there's a good chance their conversations will die out.

A girl texting on her phone.

Is it OK to Let Your Girlfriend Go Out with Another Guy?

In general, your girl is taking it too far by going out with him (though in some instances, it can be OK)

It first comes down to the context of it. Who is he in relation to her?

Remember, in her mind, it's just some innocent meet-up with a friend.

She likely has zero interest in him in that way.

This puts you in a tough spot. This dude probably wants to bone your girl, yet you don't want to react in a way that will divide you.

Most girls should know that going out with a guy is taking it too far. Likewise, she would undoubtedly have to be OK with you doing the same (of course, you don't want to immediately do it in retaliation).

Hopefully she's at least communicating about this with you

Tell her how you feel and that you think it's weird. You can ask her what friends or family would think if they saw you with some other guy.

Lastly, say how you trust her in the end so it doesn't matter.

Remember that ultimately, you should be handling it like a chad. If she were to ever cheat, then you dodged a bullet. You don't care what others think. If she does meet up with him, it'll probably just be once.

If that guy does try something, she'll recognize the mistake and turn him down (and feel guilty about this whole thing).

An illustration of a girl secretly texting a guy.

What if She Texts Her Guy Friend Everyday?

Having a legitimate "friend girl" (where he views it as such) is more likely when it's within a social circle. If your buddy is dating a girl, you may know her friends well. 

Chatting with them purely as friends (even if there is some attraction) is normal.

In most cases, this whole situation will pass soon enough. Or, they'll text daily for a bit and then go months without.

Otherwise, do the same as mentioned in the previous section by being honest with her about it.

What if My Girlfriend Lied About Texting Another Guy?

If you think your girl lied about texting some dude, then everything changes. Dishonesty or doing anything behind your back obviously isn't cool.

The first thing you need to do is make sure she actually lied.

This is the hardest part.

Realize that if she lied, there's no point in seeing her anymore. The lie is bad enough, but her interest in someone else makes it pointless to continue things. It doesn't matter even if she says she wouldn't "do anything" with him.

She's playing you.

The goal for any relationship is for it to last forever. If she did something like that, it will come back to bite you at some point if you forgive her.

You must tread carefully when determining if she's lying to you. Going through her phone is sketchy and risky. You may have to pick up on some small, subtle signs she gives.

While you don't have to directly confront her, you can still ask her about it. If you think she's texting him around you, casually ask who she's talking to. If she seems to be hiding something, ask her why she seems so secretive. 

Her reaction should tell you everything.

Your instincts should be pretty telling.

Still, don't let your insecurities cloud them. If she is texting another guy (in a non-platonic way), your relationship should be over. So, it's not worth jeopardizing everything unless you're confident you're right.

A close-up illustration of agirl texting a guy in her bedroom.

Take a Breath...

If your girl is talking to another guy, you need to take a breath first. Don't react or let your emotions make the calls.

You don't have to like it, but you should be able to accept it. If she perceives this guy is actually trying to make a move, she'll ghost him. Odds are firmly in your favor that nothing will come of this.

If (by chance) she's willing to cheat, then he's doing you a solid by displaying her true colors.

This mindset puts you in the 1%.

So many guys react like needy, insecure boys when it happens. Your girl can make her own decisions. She won't be unwillingly seduced like the PUAs believe is possible.

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