How to Ask a Friend Out Over Text

April 7, 2023

Asking a friend out over text can be quite daunting, especially when you're uncertain about their reaction.

On the one hand, you may be close friends and reluctant to jeopardize the friendship by making a move. On the other hand, spending a lot of time together can make it challenging not to develop feelings for them.

How to ask a friend out over text? Ask your friend out by first suggesting to just hang out. This way, it's casual, but you get some one on one time and possibly get to know them better. Continue doing this to see if a relationship develops naturally, or be more direct by suggesting a typical "date."

We'll be discussing whether you should ask your friend out, how to determine if it's the right move, and how to do it while minimizing the impact on your friendship if things don't work out.

Should You Ask Your Friend Out Over Text?

Consider the implications of asking your friend out. If they're a long-term friend, you may risk damaging your current relationship with them.

Bear in mind not only the downsides of rejection (such as fear and potential awkwardness), but also the downsides of them saying yes. The reality is that a single relationship has strong odds of failing, with a reported 90% of relationships ending before the age of 30.

The likelihood of a potential relationship failing is high, so weigh the risks vs. rewards.

As for doing it over text, there's nothing inherently wrong with that approach. Asking your friend out in person could catch them off guard with such a direct question. Moreover, they might need time to consider it, and texting allows for that.

What to Text When Asking Them Out

A methodical approach is likely best, as you can gradually gauge their interest in you. This way, you're not exposing yourself to outright rejection, and it's easier to revert to being friends since nothing significant has happened.

If you enjoy each other's company, spending time together alone (if you haven't already) can help alleviate awkwardness during the first "date" too.

Here's an example of what you could text to hang out:

"hey, I'm bored, you doing anything tonight?"  ---> "the fairs in town, want to check it out?"

You may instead have a better idea based on your friend's interests. The activity doesn't have to be super casual but, ideally, is not an obvious "date" if you're unsure of the outcome.

Another option is to go to a hockey or soccer game together. You can say you got free tickets and how your usual friends aren't available. This way, it's low-pressure, but you can still spend quality time with them.

Check out How to Text a Girl Without Being Boring if you have most of your texts can be pretty dull. If you're unsure if you've talked to her enough, check out How Long You to Talk to a Girl (before asking her out).

Make Sure You Want to Do It

Given the potential consequences, ensure that you genuinely want to pursue this. Ask yourself these questions:

- Do I have feelings for them, or is it just my only option?

- Am I okay if things don't work out?

- Would it be too awkward or difficult to continue being friends?

- Have they ever shown signs of interest?

You may want to reconsider if you think there's too much at stake.

Also, acknowledge the potential long-term effects on your friend group. More often than not, groups of friends both form and end around relationships within them.

I've had tons of great friends that I met through the girls my friends were dating. Unfortunately, I never stayed in touch with any of them each time they broke up. Also, even if the group remains intact, they may avoid inviting you both out together.

Getting a Friend to Ask You Out

It's understandable to avoid taking on the challenging task of texting someone to ask them out.

Don't wait forever if you're trying to get your friend to make a move though, as they may end up finding someone else.

At the very least, try to escalate things naturally through text. Send them messages more frequently and see if they reciprocate. They may get the hint that you're interested in them and want to go out.

You can also send them a text mentioning you're bored. They might catch the hint (though it could take a few attempts) and suggest going out somewhere together.

If things don't seem to be escalating or they're still not making a move, either move on or use the method recommended in the previous section.

For a better breakdown of getting them to ask you out, check out How to Ask Someone Out (without actually saying it).

Asking a Guy Friend Out Over Text

For the unexpectedly high number of women on this site...

The reality is he might already be very interested in you, and you've been "friend-zoning" him with or without realizing it.

If you're "friends of friends" or part of an extended social group that doesn't interact frequently, then you may indeed be mutual friends. However, if you've spent a lot of time together and text each other regularly, it's highly likely he's been interested in you from the start.

You can ask him out by texting him directly or adopting the more gradual approach by hanging out alone first.

Testing Their Interest

The best thing is you should be able to gauge their interest before actually asking them out through text.

Do the following things, and see how well they respond:

- Text them more often and with quicker replies

- Lightly tease or flirt with them

- Engage in longer or more serious conversations

- Ask more personal questions or just how their day is going

If they reply by doing the same, it's a good sign they're interested. 

While it's not foolproof (as intent isn't always crystal clear through text) it may be the best way to proceed without risking things getting complicated.

The Bottom Line

While it is certainly possible to pull it off, there's still a friendship at risk. You may decide that asking strangers out over friends is a more fitting option from now on.

Reflect on the potential repercussions and keep in mind the most likely outcome.

If you're reading this article, you probably already have a crush on your friend, making it difficult to backtrack. If you're constantly thinking about them and feel the need to pursue a relationship, then go for it! Just make sure you choose the approach that works best for you and to not to move things forward too fast. Good luck.

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