How to Lose Virginity in Your 20s (easy guide)
Not knowing how to lose virginity in your 20s can certainly be frustrating.
You're not necessarily late to the scene (depending if you're in your late or early 20s), but you may be fearful of how long this will take.
It's easy for these thoughts to creep up:
- What if the girl I'm with laughs at me?
- What if I'm a virgin until I'm 30?
- What if I have performance issues?
We'll answer all these questions and tackle it with some simple steps.
While this guide is primarily aimed toward guys, we'll also touch on some points relevant to women.
What to Focus on First
Your best bet to lose your virginity (without paying for it) is going to be online dating.
If your goal is solely to "get it over with," dating apps can provide the means without much stress or effort.
To succeed with online dating, you need to be able to:
- Get good pictures
- Play the numbers game
The downside with online dating (for men) is that you typically need to aim downwards. There is so much competition that you're probably not going to meet up with women better looking than you.
So, good pictures helps you stand out, and playing the numbers just increases your odds of success.
There are apps out there where you can get photos reviewed if you need help. Otherwise, ask a friend if you're able to.
Ideally try to have a good mix of photos. One or two mirror-selfie type shots are fine in addition to other types. These can be actions shots, you with your friends, family, etc.
The Importance of Appearance
Taking care of your appearance is crucial when making a good impression on potential dates.
This includes dressing well (wearing clothes that actually fit), basic hygiene/grooming 10, having the right hairstyle, etc.
With entering the dating scene, I usually always recommend prioritizing your looks through consistent diet and exercise to build muscle mass.
However, that can take a lot of time. This guide is aimed at helping you lose your V-card quickly, so we'll just focus on the basics.
Fortunately, you can make many quick appearance improvements that can make a big difference in little time.
I highly recommend check out this expanded list of quick appearance improvements.
Getting Your First Date
Since playing the numbers game is so important, you may want to use more than one dating app.
However, try to get used to one before moving onto the next.
Tinder is typically best, followed by bumble or Hinge. This really depends where you live, so you may have to check the activity of a few first.
Remember- the goal here is to lose your virginity (and not to find your dream girl).
You can still try to meet someone cool at the same time, but assuming you have minimal experience dating in general, you may find this the best first step.
Profile Information
Keep it simple. Include basic information about yourself and hobbies you may have. A typical part I would include is:
"I'm looking for someone cool to hang out with who's able to have fun without needing to hit up bars or clubs every night."
That sort of thing. Doesn't have to be some long essay, but ideally have at least a couple small paragraphs.
What to Say
It's always best to keep this simple as well.
If you're using a regular online dating type site, just say something along the lines of:
"hey- I thought you were cool and wanted to say hi"
Another option is to skim their profile to mention anything relevant.
You don't want to waste time reading through a wall of text of each girl when most won't reply. However, if you can do it quickly, you will have better odds of a response back.
Chat from there, asking them questions about themselves, sharing relatable info, and just act like a normal human being. It doesn't have to be complicated.
After several exchanges, ask if they would like to hang out sometime.
Make sure not to bother investing too much time into any single conversation, as you should expect ~90% to not go anywhere.
Where to Go on the Date
Going out for a drink is an easy option if you're of drinking age.
Another one that is quick is just grabbing a coffee with her.
It's important it's a public place that she'll feel comfortable in.
No need to overthink it, but remember to avoid places like theaters where you won't be talking to her much. The First Date Guide can help with dealing with nervousness.
How to "Move Things Along"
This can undoubtedly be a bit nerve-wracking for many young guys.
If you have already spent a fair bit of time with her, invite her over when you have the place alone at home.
Having a drink or two can be a big help in taking the edge off.
It can also greatly help alleviate any anxiety or potential performance issues.
If you've been seeing her for a while, suggest spending a day in the city and grabbing a hotel. She'll certainly get the hint.
It's best to just start making out, then escalate things from there.
If you prefer having the steps broken down, check out How to make a move on a girl.
Should You Tell Her You're a Virgin?
Whether online dating or not, it's probably best to avoid telling her.
At the very least, don't announce it on your profile or first date or anything.
If you really want to, share that with her after things open up a bit.
Remember that since she'll likely be around your age, there's a good chance she could be a virgin as well (or may only had one or two partners).
Should You Ever Hire an Escort?
One option that a lot of guys prefer due to the easiness of it is hiring an escort.
It may seem a bit extreme, but it's not unreasonable when you think about it.
Losing your virginity is, especially for men, something they "just want to get over with."
There's rarely much care about it being some special "event", even more so when you're already well into your 20s.
Ultimately, the option is up to you.
I would recommend at least trying online dating for a while first (with this right approach).
Losing Virginity in Your 20s as a Woman
This will depend on what you want.
- You may feel like you want to get it over with quickly, as it's weighing on you more each year.
- At the same time, you don't want to just hook up with some random online.
- To further complicate it, you may not even want a committed relationship at this point in your life.
The social circle is probably the best bet for most. However, there's no reason why online dating couldn't work.
Treat it like you're looking for a relationship.
That way, you can vet the attention of those wanting a one-nighter yet still have the option to continue things if you meet someone you like.
Final Thoughts
Being a virgin in your 20s is nothing to be ashamed of.
Society has made it a way bigger deal than it needs to be. Fortunately, there's no reason why you can't get it over with in a fun and easy way.
Despite seeming quite competitive- be glad online dating exists. Things were certainly more challenging a few decades ago.
As long as you prioritize having good pictures and playing the numbers game, you have as many hookups as you want.
The next step you'll likely want to work towards is getting your first girlfriend at 20, and that post should help get you started.
